23 January 2007

And the award goes to...

Early this morning the Academy Awards nominations were announced. Many lives were changed with these, and a lifetime worth of free DVD screeners has been bestowed upon those lucky enough to win. Someone like Meryl Streep will probably cast them aside like yesterday's paper. But believe me, Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine kid) will be the coolest for the rest of her schooling days - assuming she still goes to school.

In honor of today's nominations, and with the help of my work buddy "Danny A." I have come up with a new category: Movies that I cannot believe existed, but thank god that they do. And without further interruption, here are the nominees:

-Crank
Largely nominated because of the Amy Smart factor. Simply said, Amy is a sure bet - to get naked. Say what you will, but she isn't afraid to take her shirt off. With the help of Google, I was able to identify at least seven films in which she's done so: Starsky and Hutch, Smith, Varsity Blues, and Crank. You may recall the whip cream scene from Varsity Blues, and a smile is sure to come to mind.

Along with Amy Smart, Crank has another thing going for it: an insane plot. It goes a little something like this. Jason Stratham is injected with some drug that will kill him...unless he keeps his adrenaline going. So the whole movie consists of him constantly doing stuff to get himself pumped up - blowing things up, having sex with Amy Smart, etc. All in all, it's an amazing plot. With this I will christen the "Paper Napkin Theory," in which we wonder whether the whole idea for this movie was plotted on a bar napkin. Crank certainly could have.

Crank Money Quote:
Chev Chelios: Do you think I've got 'cunt' written on my forehead?
["Cunt" appears on his forehead as he asks]

Amy Smart Money Quote:
Eve: Ohh, you are so big!

-Talladega Nights
Talladega gets nominated solely for the dinner table scene. The grandfather named Chip, and his getting bitch-slapped by his grandkids is just the beginning. "Chip, I'm going to come at you like a Spider Monkey" was great, but then the "Greatest generation my ass! Tom Brokaw's a punk" was even better. Ricky's baby jesus grace really stole the whole scene and the entire movie. The Paper Napkin Theory is all over this scene, and the movie. The scene in its entirety can be found right below.


Bonus points must go to Sacha Baron Cohen, and what was really the first taste most of America got of him.

-V For Vendetta
Remember, remember, the 5th of November. This movie just kicked ass. Written by the Wachowski Brothers (or siblings), and directed by one of their buddies, this reminded everyone who saw it about how great the first Matrix was, and how good the last two could have been. Sadly, this great actioner never caught on with the public, and it only made $25 mil at the box office.

Those who did choose to see it sure got a treat. The action, the visual effects, and the suspense were all top notch. Put on top of that the scary thought that the story isn't all that far-fetched took it to another level. Danny A. points out that in the trailer one of the critics quoted said something like this - V For Vendetta plays by its own rules. Wouldn't you like to go around saying that about yourself?

Bonus points go to the casting of one of the guys from the British version of Coupling. Most would only remember the American version that was the failed savior to take over after Friends...but the British version was darn good.

-MI:3
Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise. Watching a Tom Cruise movie will never be the same again. Every time he had a scene with his girlfriend, the audience I saw it with laughed. It didn't matter what he said. He'd simply lost credibility. I imagine it's sort of what watching Snakes of a Plane would have been like. For those who saw MI3, the moment of all moments had to be when he asked his girlfriend to electrocute him in order to save his life. He's got something in his mouth so we wont bite off his tounge. But he takes it out, and says wait! I love you! Then she shocks him. I couldn't stop laughing. Hilarious. Rent the DVD just for that.

-The Guardian
Ashton Kutcher, Keven Costner. TOP GUN...In the Water! Calling it Top Water Gun would have drawn more fans, I'd have to bet. I never realized how much I wanted a Kutcher Costner tag team. Try saying Kutcher and Costner five times in a row real quick.
Can't do it.

In a side note, my mom saw this movie on a plane a while back, and didn't even know who Ashton was, let alone that he was in the movie. But she did like the movie.
These are the nominees. Now, to the envelope...

9 comments:

warren said...

actually ali larter was the one with the whipped cream bikini in varsity blues, not amy smart. am i ashamed to know that? not in the least.

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