By now we all know the results of the NBA Draft Lottery, with Portland and Seattle beating the odds, and Memphis and Boston falling to 4th and 5th, respectively. While the Grizzlies fans must be disappointed (assuming there are in fact Memphis Grizzlies fans...) it's the Celtics fans who will obviously be drinking heavier the next few days.
Resident Boston shouting-head Bob Ryan tried to sum it up in his column, entitled "Green Around Gills Over This One":
But what about everyone's favorite writer Bill Simmons? He who flew to Boston just for the lottery. He who blamed himself for the Celtics not getting the first pick in 1997. You know what, it's probably a good thing for Simmons that his team didn't win. That's his shtick - the faux complaining, the agonizing, the losing. He thrives off of it, and more, he's great at it.
Who did what to whom? Was it decided that 16 championships in 30 years was somehow unfair and obscene and that enough was enough and the Celtics are never going to get another break again and that's that?
Because that's what it looks like. Nothing else can explain how the Celtics continue to suffer the wrath of powerful unseen forces determined to make their lives miserable.
The Sports Guy and his teams are sort of like a successful TV drama. Think of any good drama you watch on TV. Is there always harmony? Do people ever get along?
No. Marriage and happiness, at least in dramatic terms, are a structural dead-end. It's a well-known fact, which explains why so many plays, novels and movies culminate on a wedding sans the actual exchanging of vows. When people get married, it shuts down too many plot options for the future. What can come out of marriage? Kids and adultery. That's it. Divorce and strife sell. That's what brings the viewers.
Taking it back to the Sports Guy, he can't be happily married to his Boston teams. If they were always winning, he wouldn't have anything to write about, considering how limited his topics already are. But it's the frustration, the losing, and the angst that gets him going. And that is what ultimately makes him successful. If all Boston teams went undefeated, it would be a yawner. He'd be boring. With his Hollywood experiences Simmons knows this all too well, and as painful as it must have been as a fan to see Oden and Durant slip away, he must have been smiling on the inside, for now he has a column topic for the morning.