28 September 2008

Prince Fielder Gets A Money Shot

The Milwaukee Brewers haven't been to the postseason in 26 years, so it's understandable if their players aren't quite sure how to celebrate.  Take first baseman Prince Fielder.  He let loose by...having someone give him a money shot?  Or maybe that's just what it looks like.  Either way, EWWW!!!

Photo Credit: AP Photo/Morry Gash

24 September 2008

Baron Davis On Jenny Craig: A Bad Omen For The Clippers?

This is hard to believe, but something like this can only happen to a team like the Clippers. The Clippers spent big-time money on homegrown guard Baron Davis this past summer. But perhaps he’s spent the summer eating too much homemade comfort foods. Before he’s even played a game for the team, he’s effectively made an off the court turnover. He’s joined Jenny Craig.

Isn’t Davis obligated to at least feign dedication to his craft after signing the big contract? I thought weight-gains and lax play came after at least the first year. This is bad enough, but it gets worse when you find out he’s taking fitness advice from Queen Latifah.

"I know Queen Latifah, and when I saw her out there using it, I thought maybe I could use it, too, to work on my health and fitness goals and inspire others," he tells PEOPLE.

During the NBA off-season, Davis let his fitness slide. "In the off-season, it's kind of hard to maintain day-to-day," he says. "I don't want to get up and cook. And when I pig out, I'm the type of person where there's no limit to what I can do."
There’s supposed to be no limit to what Davis can achieve on the hardwood with his Clippers teammates, rather than no limit to how much he can eat. Davis has had a great summer filming videos with Steve Nash, but perhaps he should have pushed away from the table a little bit more often too.

23 September 2008

Mike Leach’s Dating Tips

Texas Tech coach Mike Leach is was asked recently about what to do with someone on a first date. Leach was a good sport, and perhaps a budding relationship-counselor? He’s known for his innovative offenses, but his dating advice was pretty ordinary.

“And the thing that’s great about it is that there’s very little salad at Kagels, so that the girl will be forced to eat in front of you.”

And, of course, should the date go well, Leach knows what to do. You should “trade computer names.” Amen to that.

19 September 2008

Zohan 2: Don’t Mess With Ovechkin

Fans of You Don’t Mess With The Zohan now have a real life hero to admire off the big screen. That would be Capitals LW Alexander Ovechkin, who has an endorsement deal with Hair Cuttery. And you guessed it – they cut hair. The sponsorship deal stemmed from Ovechkin’s visit to Hair Cuttery for a haircut. And the rest is history.

The company launched OvieStyle.com, a site dedicated to all things Ovechkin, and probably a little bit of style. But if you think Ovechkin is a style-maven, you’re truly mistaken. He’s not the reincarnation of Zohan. He just likes to keep things simple.

On how he started going to Hair Cuttery in the first place:

"I can't remember what I was thinking," Ovechkin said. "I just go to the mall after practice because I have big hair."
On how he likes his hair cut
"I just go to her and I say, 'Short,' " he explained.
Fair enough. We’ll just call him low-maintenance. Ovie has other sponsorship deals with CCM and Energy Drinks, but his association with Hair Cuttery is clearly the most dear to him, and the most bizarre.

18 September 2008

Ralph Nader’s Presidential Chances Mirror Those Of The Nationals

Hey, remember Ralph Nader? You know, he’s the guy who allowed George W. Bush to beat Al Gore in 2000? The 72 year-old is running for President again this cycle, although you wouldn’t otherwise notice it. The same goes for the press. While they spend their time unfavorably covering McCain or too favorably covering McCain or doing something like that for Obama, they’re also not spending much time on Nader. The television networks have devoted a whopping 10 seconds covering his campaign. And that really hurts Nader’s feelings.

Nader recounted a recent meeting with editors at The Washington Post, who he said told him the paper wasn’t covering his campaign because he had no chance of winning. According to Nader, he replied: “Then why are you covering the Nationals” a reference to Washington’s long-suffering baseball team.
Nader is mad, I get that. But to compare himself to the Washington Nationals is unfair to the baseball team. Sure, they’ve got the second-worst record in baseball. But the Nationals have a .382 winning percentage. Compare that to Nader’s 2% polling recently, and you can see how Manny Acta and crew might not like the reference. The Nationals may not have a very good chance of winning any given game, but Ralph Nader has no chance of winning this election.

Don't Fall Asleep At Shea

Falling asleep drunk at a sporting event isn’t advisable at any time. But you really don’t want it happening at a New York stadium. The fans loved it, but probably because they knew this guy wouldn’t blow it like the Mets bullpen does on an almost daily basis.

On another note, where was this guy’s friends?

16 September 2008

Why Idaho Stinks – It’s Not The Uniforms, But The Cheerleaders

After getting crushed 70-0 a few weeks ago by Arizona the University of Idaho football team decided it needed to shake things up. So they ditched the “I” on their bottoms. It helped – sort of. They defeated Idaho State 42-27 the next week. Despite the win there were still uniform changes to be made. This time, to those of the cheerleaders.

It seems that in Moscow, Idaho, two-piece cheerleading outfits don’t fly. I guess risqué outfits are more offensive in those parts than 70-0 losses. Go figure. Either way, the squad received so many complaints that the two-piecers have been replaced with more conservative ones.

While the fans might not like the outfits, perhaps he actual football team did. Last week, playing before more conservatively dressed cheerleaders they lost 51-28 to Western Michigan. Perhaps all the different cogs in the Vandals football machine can get their act together for this Saturday’s game at Utah State. Win, and make everyone happy. It’s tough, I know.

10 September 2008

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09 September 2008

Straight From A Duke Lawyer’s Mouth: Duke Football Sucks

College football powerhouses routinely schedule games against lower-tiered schools, and it goes something like this: Good team pays inferior team a large sum of money, inferior team comes up to good team’s stadium and gets annihilated. Something like that was supposed to happen when the University of Louisville scheduled Duke for a four-game series, except that Duke decided to get out of playing the games.

After being sued by Louisville, Duke argued that they’d only have to pay a fee to exit the contract if Louisville was unable to find a suitable opponent “of similar stature” to that of the Blue Devils. And when they say “similar stature,” what they really mean is anyone. Any former 1-A school, and many 1-AA schools. Heck, Duke thinks Ashton Kutcher’s team might be of similar stature. Let the video from Louisville v. Duke, specifically Duke’s lawyer explain.

"I think the Court can absolutely positively take judicial notice that Duke is probably the worst football team in Division I football [Emphasis added].  Everybody knows that. That’s no secret. The longest losing streak, the inability to ever win games. Everybody knows about it. That’s well documented. We certainly don’t have to go out and take six months of discovery to establish that for you."
I think most people would probably agree with the Duke’s point. Except that we’re not Duke, going out and explaining in court why we suck. It might be an athletic low point, but it was also a winning judicial argument. Judge Phillip Shepherd agreed with Duke that their football team sucked.
The term ‘team of similar stature’ simply means any team that competes at the same level of athletic performance as the Duke football team. At oral argument, Duke . . . persuasively asserted that this is a threshold that could not be any lower... Duke won only one football game, and lost eleven, during the 2007 football season.
So by trashing themselves in court, Duke was able to win their case. They might have won in court, but they’ve lost a lot of their dignity along the way. And to those Duke-haters salivating at this, realize that it’s a double-edged sword. They might not be any good at football, but they’re probably still smarter than you are.

Hamburger HSV Fans Can Now Root On For Eternity

It’s one thing to love your team to death. But to love your team in death as well - - now that’s real dedication. We’re not talking sports themed tombstones either. German soccer club Hamburger HSV has come up with a way of showing team spirit that you don’t see very often. They’re opening up a cemetery just for their fans.

Hamburger HSV fans can now spend eternity just yards away from their team plays their home games. 300-500 “lucky” fans will have the opportunity to show their Hamburger HSV love. The entrance to the cemetery will be shaped like a soccer goal, and graves will be covered by grass transplanted from Nordbank Arena stadium. What’s not to love, really?

HSV supporter Ernst Schmidt, an 81-year-old widower, said he may reserve a plot even though he has already made arrangements to be buried alongside his wife. "I'm going to enquire whether it's possible," Schmidt told reporters. "I've been an HSV fan for 57 years. My life, it's only football."
Prices weren’t readily available. But to be buried amongst fellow fans? That’s worth it regardless of cost. And I’m sure their wives agree.

07 September 2008

It's A Big Day For The Cassel Family

The big story of Sunday was the fall of Tom Brady.  Perhaps out for the season, Patriots fans and fantasy football players alike shrieked in pain over Brady's knee agony.  As bad of a day as it was for the nationwide Brady "family," it was a that good of a day for the real life Cassel family.  

Consider newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel the Sarah Palin of the NFL.  Drafted in the 7th round out of USC Cassel backed up Heisman Trophy winners Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart, playing rarely but for mop-up duty.  Ditto that for his three seasons with the Patriots, albeit this time with Tom Brady.  Like Palin, Cassel has been thrust into the spotlight, and nobody really knows anything about him.  And much like Palin made a well-received first impression this past Wednesday at the RNC, Cassel did the same on Sunday, putting up decent numbers in a win.  

A good day it was for the Cassel clan.  It would have been enough!  But then entered brother Jack, a reliever for the Houston Astros.  There's no Palin metaphor here, really.  It's just that Jack became the second Cassel brother to enter the game as an injury replacement, taking over for Wandy Rodriguez in the second inning.  This Cassel notched four innings for the Astros, giving up two earned runs.  

Sunday was an unexpected day for the Cassel family, with two brothers playing big roles.  Like Palin we'll probably be learning a lot more about Matt Cassel over the next few weeks.  The only difference being the lack of opposition researchers pouring over his past.  

06 September 2008

Things Josh Beckett Could Have Worked On While On The DL: Zipping His Fly

Red Sox hurler Josh Beckett came off the DL to notch his 12th win of the season on Friday night, pitching five scoreless innings against the Texas Rangers.  On the DL since August 17th, Beckett had a chance to rest his inflamed elbow.  

While he was resting on the DL he easily could have been working on something else that's crucial - zipping up his fly.  It's to get another winning.  But winning is more fun when your fly is up!

Photo Credit: Star-Telegram/Tom Pennington

05 September 2008

Ripped From The Headlines: Team Dumps Logo Near Buttocks After 70-0 Loss

Whatever you thought it was, you were probably wrong. Instead the Idaho Vandals football team is dropping the letter “I” from the back of their pants. The move was done in reaction to their 70-0 loss to Arizona last Saturday.

Rob Spears, the school's athletic director, says nobody realized just how the logo placed in the center of the players' behinds would look before they tried their pants on.

The new-look Vandals may be I-less on their asses when they play Idaho State University on Saturday, but surely they know that won’t be the reason they win or loss. But hey, think whatever you want.

04 September 2008

Chad Ocho Cinco’s Identity Crisis

By now we all know that the wide receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson is now legally known as Chad Ocho Cinco. And he will be known as Ocho Cinco on all club business, including the back of his jersey during Sunday’s game at Baltimore.

The websites of the various big hitters on the web have been slower to recognize Ocho Cinco’s new name. If John Bonser can become Boof Bonser, then anything else can pass too, right? ESPN and Yahoo! were quick on the draw, but NFL.com and CBS Sports were as of this writing still a wee bit apprehensive about changing it around. If that’s his name, that’s his name!

02 September 2008

Hallelujah! Finally A Scientific Theory Sports Fans Can Unite Around

I love sports, and I'm guessing you probably do as well. And, you guessed it - I watch a lot of it too. I've often defended my viewing habits with the notion that it's better than the quality of programming that often fills the remaining 1,574 channels on my cable box. While I've always believed this to be true, I've never had any scientific backing. Until now, that is.

Thanks to the lovely researchers at the University of Chicago sports fans now have the scientific study that until this point has been at our fingertips.

Being an athlete or merely a fan improves language skills when it comes to discussing their sport because parts of the brain usually involved in playing sports are instead used to understand sport language, new research at the University of Chicago shows.
See that? The study focused on hockey in particular. Hockey players, fans, and those who'd never seen or played the sport were used as participants. And it showed that even watching sports activates a region of the brain associated with planning and controlling actions.
Brain imaging revealed that when hockey players and fans listen to language about hockey, they show activity in the brain regions usually used to plan and select well-learned physical actions. The increased activity in motor areas of the brain helps hockey players and fans to better understanding hockey language. The results show that playing sports, or even just watching, builds a stronger understanding of language, Sian Beilock, Associate Professor in Psychology at the University of Chicago said.
Sure, you could say that this is just one study.  You could also mention that with enough ambition and hubris you could come up with a scientific study that concludes just about anything (see: climate change is not real; intelligent design).  But isn't this how we operate?  We find something that sounds good to us and defend to the death.  And thus I have found the one scientific theory that I love above all else.  It's the "See, watching sports is really good for you after all" theory.  

 So the next time you're being criticized for watching your fourth football game of the day, just say that you're working on improving the neural networks that support comprehension.  Or something like that.  Right?