19 March 2009

Hockey Team Provides Man's Best Friends: Fighting and Boobs

One night after the Florida Panthers figured out the best way to bring back fans, a minor-league hockey team is following suit. Well, sort of.

The typical Vegas saying goes "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." But with their "Over 18" Night this coming Tuesday the Las Vegas Wranglers are hoping to change that to "what happens in Orleans Arena stays in Orleans Arena."

So what happens in an ECHL "Over 18" Night? There's something for everyone. The American All-Male Review will be there. They're typically "taking it off" each weekend in Las Vegas, but on a rare Tuesday night they'll just be posing for photos. And to satsify the other half of the population Stripper-101 will also be on hand, demonstrating their exotic dancing skills. FYI - the team claims there will be no nudity involved in either of the above. Oh yeah, the sidestage will feature the Wranglers taking on the Alaksa Aces. Pair the different activities with open bar that's offered, and well, things are sure to be interesting.

And thus if you have to see an ECHL hockey game, this is probably the way to do it. And if you've lost most of your money and seen almost everything there is to see in Vegas, this is probably the thing to do. It just might be the most amusing hockey game all year - and not because of the hockey.

15 March 2009

Lunardi: Get Off Me

Two years later it's just as good. Lunardi, basking in the afterglow of Selection Sunday.

I've been looking at non-conference SOS's so much that it burns when I pee. My angst over Creighton's seeding nearly ended my marriage. That's me, straight loungin' after another year. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm pretty wasted. I was Pokey Chatman and that bracket was my former player. You're welcome. I'll see you all in hell."

--Joe Lunardi--
Hat Tip: TMG

09 March 2009

Come March Madness Do Some Snipping Of Your Own - Something Other Than Nets

Millions are expected to tune into the NCAA Men's Basketball tournament next week. Millions more will watch at work via March Madness on Demand, half paying attention to the game and half with their finger poised to press the "boss button" at any given moment. But let's assume that you want to watch the games in peace. Now there are more choices than your living room or a sports bar.

Why not watch the tournament while also checking something else off of your to-do list. Yeah, that vasectomy that you keep putting off. This year you've got choices. Austin-based The Urology Team and the Oregon Urology Institute are both offering March Madness-related vasectomy events over the next few weeks. Vas Madness, or Snip City as they're each respectively being called, provides the perfect way to multi-task.

"You know, the thing that really spurred this whole thing is that so many men aren't interested in sitting still very long," said Vikki Smith, community liaison for The Urology Team, a practice with eight surgeons. "So we thought what could be a more natural combination than sitting in front of a TV set for three days and getting a vasectomy? It's the perfect excuse to look at the wife and say, 'Honey, I've got to stay on the couch for three days. Doctor's orders.' "
Yeah, but we're still talking about vasectomies here. Such promotions are based on the assumption that there's a long list of people who not only want such a procedure but have also (probably rightly) putting it off for another day.

In the case of the Oregon Urology Institute their assumption was at least partly correct. They've brought the promotion back for a second year. Brave souls willing to do the procedure will get a goodie-bag to boot, consisting of something like ice packs and frozen peas, which is indication that it's not all fun and games. Oh yeah - they'll also get a doctor's note requiring a weekend's worth of rest. Totally worth it.

Amongst the Best Flagrant Fouls You'll See Today

Trevor Ariza excepted, this one's pretty good too. Singletary's shock won't win him any awards. Dude - you punched your opponent in the gut!

03 March 2009

European Soccer Fans: Forget the Foreplay, Put On The Jersey!

We all know how much love most of the world has for soccer. So much love, that at least in Europe, they want a connection to soccer while making it. And thus scores of European men are asking their sexual partners to put their shirts back on...but only a certain type of shirt.

In a survey that will make women and those behind Victoria's Secret alike cry, men would rather see their partner or wife in their favorite soccer team's colors than a skimpy lingerie set in while in the sack.

MyCelebrityFashion.co.uk quizzed 1,904 blokes on their favourite female bed-time fashion turn on and instead of sexy lingerie or fantasy role play costumes leading the way, the most popular turn-on for men was their wife or girlfriend wearing their favourite teams top.
And the results!
  • 34% said they would prefer their sexual partner to be wearing their team's jersey or colors
  • 23% prefer "sexy lingerie"
  • 21% went with simply nothing
  • 16% hoped to see a “fantasy role play outfit”
  • 6% just want plain old ordinary nightwear
So while today was the great unveiling of the priorities for men, it was also a sad one for women. Once again the evidence points to men preferring sports over women. Surely the backlash is about to begin.

“I think women everywhere always had a sneaking suspicion that blokes like their football or rugby team more than they should but to find out that they find women more attractive in bed when they are wearing a football or rugby top is maybe taking it a little too far," MyCelebrityFashion Managing Director Jilly Tovey said.

Hey...whatever it takes, right?

01 March 2009

ESPN's Fast Facts Cover Every Fact Possible

The San Antonio Spurs lost to the Portland Trailblazers on Sunday to a score of 102-84. In order for ESPN to tell the full story it's not enough to relate that LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy each scored 26 points for the Trailblazers. Oh, no - - we need more! And thus the "fast facts" were born, transcending the box score and going the extra mile for us fans.

Due to the ESPN Fast Facts, we now know a little bit of useless trivia we definitely wouldn't have known before: The Spurs have lost four games by 18 or more points this season, all coming against opponents from cities starting with the letter 'P' (Portland twice, Phoenix, Philadelphia).

Thank you ESPN. My weekend is now complete.

12 February 2009

Joel Przybilla Plays Defense With His Balls On The Line

Wednesday night's Trailblazers/Thunder game was a matchup of the first two picks in the 2007 draft. And while the game did not disappoint (Blazers 106, Thunder 92), it was also a defensive clinic of sorts. Notice Joel Przybilla above. His line for the night: 6 points, 13 rebounds, and one ball stopping, and balls crushing play. It didn't look like a charge, but it sure was interesting technique.

(Photo Credit: Bruce Ely/The Oregonian)

Frank Lampard's Guide To Stretching

English Footballer Frank Lampard has found a novel new way to prepare for a game. Lampard, with willing partner John Terry got ready for their friendly against Spain in a way I bet you normally don't. They look well-practiced at these sort of positions, don't they?

09 February 2009

Jericho Isn't News, It's Fox News

You're not really news until you've made it on Fox. Check out Monday's Daily Show if you don't believe me.

01 February 2009

Surprise Balls Action Interrupts The Super Bowl...It's Comcastic! - NSFW

Move over, Janet Jackson - - your "wardrobe malfunction" has now been topped. The Super Bowl provided lots of excitement on Sunday night, but it turned out there were surprises of all types for some Arizona viewers. Comcast cable serves around 80,000 customers in Southern Arizona, and those watching on analog TVs were given quite the "treat" during the exciting fourth quarter.

Shortly after Kurt Warner connected with Larry Fitzgerald for a touchdown late in the fourth quarter another shock came viewers' way. Porn. Porn, not commercials somehow made its way onto TV. Did some enterprising porn company pay $3+ million for a commercial? Doubtful, considering the full-frontal action. Even Go Daddy can't get away with that! The porn was only on Comcast subscribers with analog televisions. That will teach 'em for not switching yet to digital. Only a few days left to switch...

Comcast is going to have to do a little bit of explaining on Monday. Their website touts its family entertainment. This just negated that. Crisis PR is on the way!

The video is below, and is absolutely, positively, definitively 100% NSFW. Don't say you weren't warned. (Update: YouTube has taken it down. You can now view it below, thanks to ComcastSuperBowlPorn.com.)

Kudos to the pranksters that pulled this off. Too bad you're probably going to end up in jail for this one. And thanks to them many families must have had to have conversations they weren't expecting to have on Sunday night. Conversations about balls...just a different type.

America Gets Tea Bagged By The Boss

As always, Bruce Springsteen and the Street delivered, this time during the Super Bowl Halftime show. Except for one slight error. There was no "wardrobe malfuction," but instead another somewhat pleasant/somewhat disturbing/somewhat amusing surprise. Springsteen went for his patented knee slide across stage, but ended up giving America a good dose of the Boss' crotch. The look on his face before, during, and especially after is priceless. For a while it seemed as if the tea bagging would be the most memorable part of the game, but luckily for us all the second half ended up turning Super Bowl XLIII into a classic.

29 January 2009

The First Key To Coaching - Learning To Correctly Pronounce Your Players' Names

There are so names that are difficult to pronounce. Charles N’Zogbia is an example of that. But when you’re a professional soccer player on Newcastle United people are typically able to figure out the pronunciation. Especially if you’re the team’s coach. Except for Newcastle Coach Joe Kinnear.

Kinnear was doing a post game interview with Sky Sports when his state of confusion occurred.

Kinnear said: “Shay [Given] pulled out with a knee injury as did Insomnia . . . Insomnia . . . er, Charlie.”
And with the bungling came the consequences. N’Zogbia just can’t take these kinds of disrespect. His feelings hurt by the mispronunciation, N’Zogbia now refuses to play for the team. But can’t Newcastle just get along? Having thin skin in the EPL won’t help you succeed. Kinnear, for his part seemed unperturbed.
“OK, I got a little tongue-tied — but if I had a pound for every time I’ve mispronounced a player’s name down the years, then I’d be a very wealthy man indeed,” he said.
That might be a fair argument for a new coach or a new player. But N’Zogbia has been with Newcastle since 2004! The time has come, Kinnear - - learn how to pronounce the names of your players. It might result in better team morale, and a better record too!

Iowa Basketball Team Pitches Their Skills To Local Sororities

Being a D-1 Men’s basketball player ain’t all it used to be. Or perhaps it’s just being a member of the Iowa hoops squad. It seems that attendance for the Hawkeyes is weak this season, and in order to turn things around the team is turning to some unconventional methods. In a move that would make Ricky Davis and Pierre Pierce proud the Iowa hoopsters are showing up at sororities hoping to meet and greet floozies - - ahem - - fans.

“It was neat; I think it was a great idea just to go out and try to promote some of our games and things like that,” Sophomore Point Guard Jeff Peterson said. “I think it’s pretty neat to have some of the players to be able to go out and do that.”
Yeah, I bet it was pretty neat. Just like the fact that sorority sisters are totally the typical basketball game attendees.

In this case the poor attendance can’t be blamed on the economy, as tickets to home games are free. It probably has more to do with the Hawkeyes2-5 conference record. Or apathy – there are only 900 student ticket holders. Wouldn’t most other Big Ten schools have student section waiting lists of about that size?

Having basketball players visit campus sororities in order to gain support of the team sounds straight out of Van Wilder. The possibilities are just endless...you know, to make fans.

28 January 2009

In A Tough Economic Climate Manny Ramirez Finally Gets A Job Offer

This isn't a good time to be looking for a job. 75,000 jobs alone were cut on Monday, adding the the 7.2% of the U.S. population already out of work. With that the conventional wisdom of our times is that it's nice just to have a job, regardless of what it is, dream job or not. And thus the saying that one in the hand is better than two in the bush rings true. But is it always?

Not for Manny Ramirez. He's one of the unemployed too, you know. He was offered a job on Wednesday, and unlike what you might do he's likely to turn it down.

The Worcester Tornadoes offered Manny a 2-year contract worth a whopping $24,000 on Tuesday, hoping that he'd take his happy-go-lucky ways to the Can-Am League. The Dodgers happily put up with "Manny being Manny," but would that fly with the Tornadoes?

“I feel Manny would really enjoy playing in Worcester and hitting in our ballpark. Although I would be concerned about the cars traveling on I-290 during his at bats, it’s a risk worth taking,” said General Manager, Jorg Bassiacos. Director of Player Personnel Brad Michals added, "Manny certainly has the stats to be amongst the leaders of the league next season. Although issues regarding health have surrounded him in the past, I think he will find that the shorter schedule will boost his performance to a new level and serve as the ultimate showcase for his natural skill."

I guess so! But probably not! Scott Boras would let lots of things happen before he let Manny become a Tornado, but maybe he should. Sure, Manny made more in a single plate appearance than he would in a single season, but imagine the rush of suiting up against the Nashua Pride or the Ottawa Rapidz (yes, that is how they spell it). Pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in a matter of weeks, and Manny is jobless. Is it panic time yet? It's never going to happen, but you've got to believe Manny would have a darn good time.

27 January 2009

Dwight Howard And Mario Chalmers Sitting In A Tree...

Dwight Howard and Mario Chalmers might be old friends. Or they might not. But something got into Howard during the Heat's 103-97 win over the Magic on Sunday night. Howard's box score should read: 22 points, 10 rebounds, and one tittie-twister.

HT: Orlando Magic Daily

20 January 2009

Wardrobe Malfunction Plagues Russian Figure Skating

Oh, the humanity! Ekaterina Rubleva, meet Janet Jackson. One may have been an accident and the other an "accident," but either way, a wardrobe malfunction has struck Russian figure skating.

You can see the mistake around the 1:50 mark of the above video (and again at around 4:27). You'll have to look real closely, but it's still slightly NSFW. For something truly NSFW, here's a photo of said event.

While you and I might be cheering, the nipple slip didn't do Rubleva and partner any favors with the judges. They finished 12th place with a score of 29.04.

19 January 2009

Burlesque At The Australian Open? Pacman Approves

Ladies and Gentlemen: the Australian Open just got a little more interesting. Perhaps things are done a little differently in the land down under. Or perhaps they're just a little less stiff. How so? There's a burlesque show as part of the Australian Open's official entertainment that features amongst other things obscenity and simulated-masturbation. In other words...awesome?

Well, perhaps not so awesome. As if that wasn't enough, there's more. The New York-based show Absinthe is not only for those 18+, but also those who are less tolerant.

The show has featured racial slurs - including anti-German, anti-Asian and anti-black references – as well as references to gay bashings.
And as always, it's always fun until enough people complain. Tennis Australia CEO Steve Wood didn't have a problem with it until Sunday. Bit here's what he had to say first.
In an announcement posted on the Australian Open website on Saturday, Mr Wood recommended the show as “a great late-night option after a day at the tennis. It is a bit of an edgy show, a bit of a dare, a bit of a risk, we are trying to innovate and we are looking to find ways to entertain customers who have never been to the tennis. As well as being sheer good fun, the combination of athleticism and artistry makes Absinthe a great late-night option."
Oops. But Sunday Wood was singing a different tune, saying that he'd asking those behind the show to make things a little more PC. “We have got off to an awkward start,’’ he said.

Indeed. What's art to someone is another person's rubbish - and that's what makes art interesting. But it probably doesn't have a place at an event like the Australian Open. That being said, don't be surprised if the tournament has a lot more buzz than before. And in the end that's what it's all about.

Texas Fans Comfort Oklahoma Like No Other Can

13 January 2009

It's Hard Out There For A Sooner Fan

Gator fans, it's time to gloat. Sooners fans - - well, look above.

12 January 2009

Get Your 2009 Oklahoma Sooners National Championship Gear Right Here!

Oops! Look for these balls to be joining the New England Patriots' Super Bowl shirts in Nicaragua any day now. It's always good to be prepared, but better to take these ads offline after the game.

11 January 2009

$150,000 To See Cardinals' First NFC Championship Game? Priceless

Arizona Cardinals fans are in uncharted territory. Before Saturday's 33-13 victory over the Carolina Panthers they were the lone NFC not to have made a Conference championship game since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970. Even better, they're hosting the game next Sunday against the Eagles. And while euphoria runs high through Phoenix, it seems like some people aren't sure quite how to behave.

Take StubHub sellers, for example. As of this typing there were 1251 ticket listings for Sunday's game. Not a big deal. One seller seems to be a wee bit confused. He/She is selling their single seat in amongst the worst location in the place for $150,000 each. That's quite a markup. For that price, couldn't you get two? At least one scalper has had the Cardinals Kool-Aid, and good luck to them. Perhaps one of the buyers of the "I Am Rich" iPhone application will stand up and be ready for their next purchase.

06 January 2009

It's Not Quite A Hockey Fight If You're Slapping Each Other

Someone might want to tell Marc Staal and Alexander Semin that if you're going to have a hockey fight, you might as well do it right. And slapping each other doesn't quite cut it. Neither player will get any manliness points after this "throw down."

Illegal Oranges Part of Mayoral Bet

Playful wagers between mayors of cities competing in big sporting events is a commonplace event. Or it usually is. Take the playful bet that took place between the mayors of San Francisco and Miami for the Emerald Bowl. Had Miami won, Mayor Manny Diaz would have received a case of Napa Valley wine and several loaves of sourdough bread. Miami didn't win - the Cal Bears did. And so San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom was to get some oranges. Or so he thought.

If you're scratching your head as to why the Mayor of San Francisco was involved representing a team from the city of Berkeley you may not be alone. Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates would make three of us.

So Newsom, the wannabe future Governor of California and I suppose the Mayor of Berkeley took the prize. Except taking the oranges would have been illegal.

Florida oranges can't be shipped to California under federal regulations because of citrus canker, a contagious bacterial disease that causes leaves and fruit to drop from trees prematurely.
Oops. So Newsome will be getting Stone Crab claws instead. Perhaps he'll share the fruit of Cal's victory with Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates.