Lion in Oil

Dwyane Wade Goes Undercover

2010-08-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

What happened to Lion In Oil? Why hasn't there been a post since March, 2009? Wasn't this a decent blog way back when? Forget the questions. Watch this video!

Hockey Team Provides Man's Best Friends: Fighting and Boobs

2009-03-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

One night after the Florida Panthers figured out the best way to bring back fans, a minor-league hockey team is following suit. Well, sort of.

The typical Vegas saying goes "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." But with their "Over 18" Night this coming Tuesday the Las Vegas Wranglers are hoping to change that to "what happens in Orleans Arena stays in Orleans Arena."

So what happens in an ECHL "Over 18" Night? There's something for everyone. The American All-Male Review will be there. They're typically "taking it off" each weekend in Las Vegas, but on a rare Tuesday night they'll just be posing for photos. And to satsify the other half of the population Stripper-101 will also be on hand, demonstrating their exotic dancing skills. FYI - the team claims there will be no nudity involved in either of the above. Oh yeah, the sidestage will feature the Wranglers taking on the Alaksa Aces. Pair the different activities with open bar that's offered, and well, things are sure to be interesting.

And thus if you have to see an ECHL hockey game, this is probably the way to do it. And if you've lost most of your money and seen almost everything there is to see in Vegas, this is probably the thing to do. It just might be the most amusing hockey game all year - and not because of the hockey.

Lunardi: Get Off Me

2009-03-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

Two years later it's just as good. Lunardi, basking in the afterglow of Selection Sunday.

I've been looking at non-conference SOS's so much that it burns when I pee. My angst over Creighton's seeding nearly ended my marriage. That's me, straight loungin' after another year. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm pretty wasted. I was Pokey Chatman and that bracket was my former player. You're welcome. I'll see you all in hell."

--Joe Lunardi--
Hat Tip: TMG

Come March Madness Do Some Snipping Of Your Own - Something Other Than Nets

2009-03-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

Millions are expected to tune into the NCAA Men's Basketball tournament next week. Millions more will watch at work via March Madness on Demand, half paying attention to the game and half with their finger poised to press the "boss button" at any given moment. But let's assume that you want to watch the games in peace. Now there are more choices than your living room or a sports bar.

Why not watch the tournament while also checking something else off of your to-do list. Yeah, that vasectomy that you keep putting off. This year you've got choices. Austin-based The Urology Team and the Oregon Urology Institute are both offering March Madness-related vasectomy events over the next few weeks. Vas Madness, or Snip City as they're each respectively being called, provides the perfect way to multi-task.

"You know, the thing that really spurred this whole thing is that so many men aren't interested in sitting still very long," said Vikki Smith, community liaison for The Urology Team, a practice with eight surgeons. "So we thought what could be a more natural combination than sitting in front of a TV set for three days and getting a vasectomy? It's the perfect excuse to look at the wife and say, 'Honey, I've got to stay on the couch for three days. Doctor's orders.' "

Yeah, but we're still talking about vasectomies here. Such promotions are based on the assumption that there's a long list of people who not only want such a procedure but have also (probably rightly) putting it off for another day.

In the case of the Oregon Urology Institute their assumption was at least partly correct. They've brought the promotion back for a second year. Brave souls willing to do the procedure will get a goodie-bag to boot, consisting of something like ice packs and frozen peas, which is indication that it's not all fun and games. Oh yeah - they'll also get a doctor's note requiring a weekend's worth of rest. Totally worth it.

Amongst the Best Flagrant Fouls You'll See Today

2009-03-09T22:41:00.000-07:00

Trevor Ariza excepted, this one's pretty good too. Singletary's shock won't win him any awards. Dude - you punched your opponent in the gut!

European Soccer Fans: Forget the Foreplay, Put On The Jersey!

2009-03-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

We all know how much love most of the world has for soccer. So much love, that at least in Europe, they want a connection to soccer while making it. And thus scores of European men are asking their sexual partners to put their shirts back on...but only a certain type of shirt.

In a survey that will make women and those behind Victoria's Secret alike cry, men would rather see their partner or wife in their favorite soccer team's colors than a skimpy lingerie set in while in the sack.

MyCelebrityFashion.co.uk quizzed 1,904 blokes on their favourite female bed-time fashion turn on and instead of sexy lingerie or fantasy role play costumes leading the way, the most popular turn-on for men was their wife or girlfriend wearing their favourite teams top.

And the results!

34% said they would prefer their sexual partner to be wearing their team's jersey or colors
23% prefer "sexy lingerie"
21% went with simply nothing
16% hoped to see a “fantasy role play outfit”
6% just want plain old ordinary nightwear

So while today was the great unveiling of the priorities for men, it was also a sad one for women. Once again the evidence points to men preferring sports over women. Surely the backlash is about to begin.

“I think women everywhere always had a sneaking suspicion that blokes like their football or rugby team more than they should but to find out that they find women more attractive in bed when they are wearing a football or rugby top is maybe taking it a little too far," MyCelebrityFashion Managing Director Jilly Tovey said.

Hey...whatever it takes, right?

ESPN's Fast Facts Cover Every Fact Possible

2009-03-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

The San Antonio Spurs lost to the Portland Trailblazers on Sunday to a score of 102-84. In order for ESPN to tell the full story it's not enough to relate that LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy each scored 26 points for the Trailblazers. Oh, no - - we need more! And thus the "fast facts" were born, transcending the box score and going the extra mile for us fans.

Due to the ESPN Fast Facts, we now know a little bit of useless trivia we definitely wouldn't have known before: The Spurs have lost four games by 18 or more points this season, all coming against opponents from cities starting with the letter 'P' (Portland twice, Phoenix, Philadelphia).

Thank you ESPN. My weekend is now complete.

Joel Przybilla Plays Defense With His Balls On The Line

2009-02-12T21:46:00.000-08:00

Wednesday night's Trailblazers/Thunder game was a matchup of the first two picks in the 2007 draft. And while the game did not disappoint (Blazers 106, Thunder 92), it was also a defensive clinic of sorts. Notice Joel Przybilla above. His line for the night: 6 points, 13 rebounds, and one ball stopping, and balls crushing play. It didn't look like a charge, but it sure was interesting technique.

(Photo Credit: Bruce Ely/The Oregonian)

Frank Lampard's Guide To Stretching

2009-02-12T20:39:00.000-08:00

English Footballer Frank Lampard has found a novel new way to prepare for a game. Lampard, with willing partner John Terry got ready for their friendly against Spain in a way I bet you normally don't. They look well-practiced at these sort of positions, don't they?

Jericho Isn't News, It's Fox News

2009-02-09T23:43:00.000-08:00

You're not really news until you've made it on Fox. Check out Monday's Daily Show if you don't believe me.

Surprise Balls Action Interrupts The Super Bowl...It's Comcastic! - NSFW

2009-02-01T20:46:00.000-08:00

Move over, Janet Jackson - - your "wardrobe malfunction" has now been topped. The Super Bowl provided lots of excitement on Sunday night, but it turned out there were surprises of all types for some Arizona viewers. Comcast cable serves around 80,000 customers in Southern Arizona, and those watching on analog TVs were given quite the "treat" during the exciting fourth quarter.

Shortly after Kurt Warner connected with Larry Fitzgerald for a touchdown late in the fourth quarter another shock came viewers' way. Porn. Porn, not commercials somehow made its way onto TV. Did some enterprising porn company pay $3+ million for a commercial? Doubtful, considering the full-frontal action. Even Go Daddy can't get away with that! The porn was only on Comcast subscribers with analog televisions. That will teach 'em for not switching yet to digital. Only a few days left to switch...

Comcast is going to have to do a little bit of explaining on Monday. Their website touts its family entertainment. This just negated that. Crisis PR is on the way!

The video is below, and is absolutely, positively, definitively 100% NSFW. Don't say you weren't warned. (Update: YouTube has taken it down. You can now view it below, thanks to ComcastSuperBowlPorn.com.)

Kudos to the pranksters that pulled this off. Too bad you're probably going to end up in jail for this one. And thanks to them many families must have had to have conversations they weren't expecting to have on Sunday night. Conversations about balls...just a different type.

America Gets Tea Bagged By The Boss

2009-02-01T19:20:00.000-08:00

As always, Bruce Springsteen and the Street delivered, this time during the Super Bowl Halftime show. Except for one slight error. There was no "wardrobe malfuction," but instead another somewhat pleasant/somewhat disturbing/somewhat amusing surprise. Springsteen went for his patented knee slide across stage, but ended up giving America a good dose of the Boss' crotch. The look on his face before, during, and especially after is priceless. For a while it seemed as if the tea bagging would be the most memorable part of the game, but luckily for us all the second half ended up turning Super Bowl XLIII into a classic.

The First Key To Coaching - Learning To Correctly Pronounce Your Players' Names

2009-01-29T19:15:00.000-08:00

There are so names that are difficult to pronounce. Charles N’Zogbia is an example of that. But when you’re a professional soccer player on Newcastle United people are typically able to figure out the pronunciation. Especially if you’re the team’s coach. Except for Newcastle Coach Joe Kinnear.

Kinnear was doing a post game interview with Sky Sports when his state of confusion occurred.

Kinnear said: “Shay [Given] pulled out with a knee injury as did Insomnia . . . Insomnia . . . er, Charlie.”

And with the bungling came the consequences. N’Zogbia just can’t take these kinds of disrespect. His feelings hurt by the mispronunciation, N’Zogbia now refuses to play for the team. But can’t Newcastle just get along? Having thin skin in the EPL won’t help you succeed. Kinnear, for his part seemed unperturbed.

“OK, I got a little tongue-tied — but if I had a pound for every time I’ve mispronounced a player’s name down the years, then I’d be a very wealthy man indeed,” he said.

That might be a fair argument for a new coach or a new player. But N’Zogbia has been with Newcastle since 2004! The time has come, Kinnear - - learn how to pronounce the names of your players. It might result in better team morale, and a better record too!

Iowa Basketball Team Pitches Their Skills To Local Sororities

2009-01-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

Being a D-1 Men’s basketball player ain’t all it used to be. Or perhaps it’s just being a member of the Iowa hoops squad. It seems that attendance for the Hawkeyes is weak this season, and in order to turn things around the team is turning to some unconventional methods. In a move that would make Ricky Davis and Pierre Pierce proud the Iowa hoopsters are showing up at sororities hoping to meet and greet floozies - - ahem - - fans.

“It was neat; I think it was a great idea just to go out and try to promote some of our games and things like that,” Sophomore Point Guard Jeff Peterson said. “I think it’s pretty neat to have some of the players to be able to go out and do that.”

Yeah, I bet it was pretty neat. Just like the fact that sorority sisters are totally the typical basketball game attendees.

In this case the poor attendance can’t be blamed on the economy, as tickets to home games are free. It probably has more to do with the Hawkeyes’ 2-5 conference record. Or apathy – there are only 900 student ticket holders. Wouldn’t most other Big Ten schools have student section waiting lists of about that size?

Having basketball players visit campus sororities in order to gain support of the team sounds straight out of Van Wilder. The possibilities are just endless...you know, to make fans.

In A Tough Economic Climate Manny Ramirez Finally Gets A Job Offer

2009-01-28T22:07:00.001-08:00

This isn't a good time to be looking for a job. 75,000 jobs alone were cut on Monday, adding the the 7.2% of the U.S. population already out of work. With that the conventional wisdom of our times is that it's nice just to have a job, regardless of what it is, dream job or not. And thus the saying that one in the hand is better than two in the bush rings true. But is it always?

Not for Manny Ramirez. He's one of the unemployed too, you know. He was offered a job on Wednesday, and unlike what you might do he's likely to turn it down.

The Worcester Tornadoes offered Manny a 2-year contract worth a whopping $24,000 on Tuesday, hoping that he'd take his happy-go-lucky ways to the Can-Am League. The Dodgers happily put up with "Manny being Manny," but would that fly with the Tornadoes?

“I feel Manny would really enjoy playing in Worcester and hitting in our ballpark. Although I would be concerned about the cars traveling on I-290 during his at bats, it’s a risk worth taking,” said General Manager, Jorg Bassiacos. Director of Player Personnel Brad Michals added, "Manny certainly has the stats to be amongst the leaders of the league next season. Although issues regarding health have surrounded him in the past, I think he will find that the shorter schedule will boost his performance to a new level and serve as the ultimate showcase for his natural skill."

I guess so! But probably not! Scott Boras would let lots of things happen before he let Manny become a Tornado, but maybe he should. Sure, Manny made more in a single plate appearance than he would in a single season, but imagine the rush of suiting up against the Nashua Pride or the Ottawa Rapidz (yes, that is how they spell it). Pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in a matter of weeks, and Manny is jobless. Is it panic time yet? It's never going to happen, but you've got to believe Manny would have a darn good time.

Dwight Howard And Mario Chalmers Sitting In A Tree...

2009-01-27T20:18:00.000-08:00

Dwight Howard and Mario Chalmers might be old friends. Or they might not. But something got into Howard during the Heat's 103-97 win over the Magic on Sunday night. Howard's box score should read: 22 points, 10 rebounds, and one tittie-twister.

HT: Orlando Magic Daily

Wardrobe Malfunction Plagues Russian Figure Skating

2009-01-20T23:08:00.000-08:00

Oh, the humanity! Ekaterina Rubleva, meet Janet Jackson. One may have been an accident and the other an "accident," but either way, a wardrobe malfunction has struck Russian figure skating.

You can see the mistake around the 1:50 mark of the above video (and again at around 4:27). You'll have to look real closely, but it's still slightly NSFW. For something truly NSFW, here's a photo of said event.

While you and I might be cheering, the nipple slip didn't do Rubleva and partner any favors with the judges. They finished 12th place with a score of 29.04.

Burlesque At The Australian Open? Pacman Approves

2009-01-19T23:37:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen: the Australian Open just got a little more interesting. Perhaps things are done a little differently in the land down under. Or perhaps they're just a little less stiff. How so? There's a burlesque show as part of the Australian Open's official entertainment that features amongst other things obscenity and simulated-masturbation. In other words...awesome?

Well, perhaps not so awesome. As if that wasn't enough, there's more. The New York-based show Absinthe is not only for those 18+, but also those who are less tolerant.

The show has featured racial slurs - including anti-German, anti-Asian and anti-black references – as well as references to gay bashings.

And as always, it's always fun until enough people complain. Tennis Australia CEO Steve Wood didn't have a problem with it until Sunday. Bit here's what he had to say first.

In an announcement posted on the Australian Open website on Saturday, Mr Wood recommended the show as “a great late-night option after a day at the tennis. It is a bit of an edgy show, a bit of a dare, a bit of a risk, we are trying to innovate and we are looking to find ways to entertain customers who have never been to the tennis. As well as being sheer good fun, the combination of athleticism and artistry makes Absinthe a great late-night option."

Oops. But Sunday Wood was singing a different tune, saying that he'd asking those behind the show to make things a little more PC. “We have got off to an awkward start,’’ he said.

Indeed. What's art to someone is another person's rubbish - and that's what makes art interesting. But it probably doesn't have a place at an event like the Australian Open. That being said, don't be surprised if the tournament has a lot more buzz than before. And in the end that's what it's all about.

Texas Fans Comfort Oklahoma Like No Other Can

2009-01-19T17:11:00.000-08:00

It's Hard Out There For A Sooner Fan

2009-01-13T20:22:00.001-08:00

Gator fans, it's time to gloat. Sooners fans - - well, look above.

Get Your 2009 Oklahoma Sooners National Championship Gear Right Here!

2009-01-12T22:29:00.000-08:00

Oops! Look for these balls to be joining the New England Patriots' Super Bowl shirts in Nicaragua any day now. It's always good to be prepared, but better to take these ads offline after the game.

$150,000 To See Cardinals' First NFC Championship Game? Priceless

2009-01-11T21:36:00.000-08:00

Arizona Cardinals fans are in uncharted territory. Before Saturday's 33-13 victory over the Carolina Panthers they were the lone NFC not to have made a Conference championship game since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970. Even better, they're hosting the game next Sunday against the Eagles. And while euphoria runs high through Phoenix, it seems like some people aren't sure quite how to behave.

Take StubHub sellers, for example. As of this typing there were 1251 ticket listings for Sunday's game. Not a big deal. One seller seems to be a wee bit confused. He/She is selling their single seat in amongst the worst location in the place for $150,000 each. That's quite a markup. For that price, couldn't you get two? At least one scalper has had the Cardinals Kool-Aid, and good luck to them. Perhaps one of the buyers of the "I Am Rich" iPhone application will stand up and be ready for their next purchase.

It's Not Quite A Hockey Fight If You're Slapping Each Other

2009-01-06T21:29:00.001-08:00

Someone might want to tell Marc Staal and Alexander Semin that if you're going to have a hockey fight, you might as well do it right. And slapping each other doesn't quite cut it. Neither player will get any manliness points after this "throw down."

Illegal Oranges Part of Mayoral Bet

2009-01-06T19:33:00.000-08:00

Playful wagers between mayors of cities competing in big sporting events is a commonplace event. Or it usually is. Take the playful bet that took place between the mayors of San Francisco and Miami for the Emerald Bowl. Had Miami won, Mayor Manny Diaz would have received a case of Napa Valley wine and several loaves of sourdough bread. Miami didn't win - the Cal Bears did. And so San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom was to get some oranges. Or so he thought.

If you're scratching your head as to why the Mayor of San Francisco was involved representing a team from the city of Berkeley you may not be alone. Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates would make three of us.

So Newsom, the wannabe future Governor of California and I suppose the Mayor of Berkeley took the prize. Except taking the oranges would have been illegal.

Florida oranges can't be shipped to California under federal regulations because of citrus canker, a contagious bacterial disease that causes leaves and fruit to drop from trees prematurely.

Oops. So Newsome will be getting Stone Crab claws instead. Perhaps he'll share the fruit of Cal's victory with Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates.

Vote For LIO On Hot Clicks!

2008-12-11T23:53:00.000-08:00

The great Jimmy Traina of SI's Hot Clicks does yeoman's work every day, bringing us the best of the blogosphere each morning. And he's at it again, with his "Clicky Awards," celebrating the highlights of 2008. What's even better is that two LIO stories are up there! So click here, and vote LIO!

Sports or Sex? You Know the Answer

2008-12-11T21:21:00.000-08:00

Today was a bad day for women who have often wondered where their man’s loyalty lies. Is it with them, or with their team? It’s sports or sex, pretty much. And sports has won out.

Barclays commissioned a study of 32,000 soccer fans, and the answers finally answered the question.

More than 49% of men surveyed said football was No1 in their lives compared to family (48%), the job (30%) and relationships (30%).

And 81% of fans also admitted they talk about the game more than any other subject, with half saying it is the best ice-breaker topic.

Now ladies, don’t get too upset about this. You see, men can’t help it. It’s part of our evolutionary programming.

“Throughout history men have fought in groups and football is just a modern-day version of that. It’s part of their survival programming and it’s in the genes,” psychologist Judi James said.

See, we can’t help it! We basically have to watch sports. You wouldn’t want to stand in the way of evolutionary programming, would you?

Down the Block From Safeco Field the Count is 2 Balls and 1 Boner

2008-12-04T23:56:00.000-08:00

The Seattle Mariners are going to have a new neighbor, and they’re not too happy about it. That would be a the Déjà Vu strip club, which is set to open three doors down from Safeco Field, making the distance between boobs and sausages only about 400 feet away from each other.

The Mariners asked the city to reconsider, calling for further interpretation of the city code passed last year which bans strip clubs from within 800 feet of community centers, parks and schools.

On Thursday the Seattle Department of Planning and Development denied the Mariners’ petition, ruling that Safeco Field isn’t really a community center, and isn’t really a public space either. Not when the average ticket price is over $25.

Baseball has always been a family sport, and in that tradition it’s understandable to see how the Mariners wouldn’t want to be sharing clientele with Déjà Vu. But there’s probably more to it than that. After a 101-loss season, the Mariners may be competing with the strip club. With the average price of a ticket last season being around $25 and a beer $5 it’s safe to say a Mariners game costs over $40. And would you rather use $40 to see sub-par baseball or girls? Keep that answer to yourself.

At the least if people are exiting the games early to head over to Déjà Vu it’ll cost the team at the concession lines. From the team’s point of view it’s unsavory and may hurt them financially. Perhaps it will make a difference, or perhaps it won’t make a difference. But one thing is for sure: pre- and post-game activities will be a lot more exciting around Safeco come next season.

Help Charlie Weis Eat His Way To Victory

2008-12-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

Notre Dame Head Coach and Offensive Genius™ Charlie Weis may have escaped a firing on Wednesday, remaining with the school for at least another season. Yet while Notre Dame may have spared him, Weis is still behind the eight ball when it comes to its fan base. A loss to woeful Syracuse, two straight sub-par seasons and a drubbing at the hands of USC will do that to you.

And thus it’s likely that this frustration bore the “A Charlie Weis Thanksgiving!” game. Your task: eat turkeys and drive up your cholesterol while avoiding the menacing Syracuse Orangemen. Your reward: a larger, better than ever FUPA. And more food.

While the quality of the game harkens back to the classic Barney Carnage from way back when, it’s the audio that makes it a true classic. Perhaps rather than preparing a game plan for the USC game, Weis was playing his game and listening to lines like this:

"I'll eat twenty cans of spam, I'll eat Tyrone Willingham," and “Hey Charlie Weis stop eating or your heart will stop beating” pretty much sum that part up.

So if you’re a die-hard Notre Dame supporter or a die-hard Notre Dame hater this game is for you. And between those two categories that makes up every single sports fan around.

How Does Your Team Get To The Game When The Charter Jet Company Goes Bust?

2008-12-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

We all know about the global economic crisis going on, as much of the country watches its jobs and savings deteriorate away. In these times sports can be a great diversion – a place to put our troubles and worries away for a bit. But when the economic woes start seeping into sports then we’ve got a problem. It’s happening in Baseball. And the credit crisis has also taken its toll on an English soccer club.

Portsmouth FC didn’t really do anything wrong. They didn’t overspend on players, and they didn’t mismanage their funds. But on the way to Germany to face VfL Wolfsburg they got stranded because their charter company went bust. Bankrupt. Out of business.

Once it became clear early that morning - as early as 5am, according to sources - that Flightline had issues, Thomson spent the morning looking for alternatives. Eventually an aircraft owned by WDL, a German-based operator, flew to Southampton from Cologne to ferry them to Braunschweig.

It’s not the kind of smooth sailing pre-match preparation that clubs typically want, but it worked in this case, getting them to their destination just a few stressful hours later than they’d planned for. In this day and age, it’s not a complete shocker, and it may not be a rarity either if things keep up.

Racial Profiling Is Hard To Do On An All-Black Team

2008-11-26T17:21:00.000-08:00

You'd hope in this day and age that racial issues would start appearing in only our collective rearview mirror. Every once in a while though, it rears its ugly head. Here's another example. Sort of.

Racial profiling has been lobbied against Danville High School's white basketball coach after cutting eight black players from the squad. This is a troubling thing, right? It might be, except for the fact that it's hard to commit racial profiling when the team is entirely black.

While some community members are crying foul, at least the Principle has his back.

"The coach chose the student athletes that he thought were the very best players and would help the team be successful this year," Principal Mark Neil said. "That was the basis of the choice.

"I feel for the ones who did not make the team," Neil said. "It's got to be tough on them and tough for their parents. ... But I don't understand the racial (accusations). The entire team is African-American."

The Principle is right. This is basketball. And like life, it's not always "fair." Eight kids didn't make the team, but that happens on basketball teams across the country. To accuse the coach of racial profiling is not only illogical, but it's also the wrong lesson to teach to the kids involved. Rather than making excuses perhaps the truth, while often a hard pill to swallow, should be told. These kids just weren't enough to make the team.

Kyle Korver Jukes Left, Jerks Right

2008-11-25T19:54:00.000-08:00

Kyle Korver is not only a great shooter, but photographic evidence has also proven him to be a great defender as well. It seems as though he has other talents as well. Korver has missed the last three games due to a "sprained wrist," and based on the video evidence it seems as though the injury may have been self-inflicted. Too bad he's not ambidextrous.

Iowa Fans Busted For Illegal Touching In Metrodome Stall

2008-11-25T13:38:00.000-08:00

All in all, Iowa fans were feeling pretty good after the Hawkeyes took down Minnesota 55-0 this past Saturday. What should have been a memorable game for Gopher fans taking in the last game at the Metrodome was instead a dud. But two Iowa fans did have a memorable time, and a whole lot of explaining to do as well.

Unfortunately for these Iowa fans, what happens in a Metrodome bathroom stall doesn’t always stay in a Metrodome bathroom stall. Perhaps they were overtaken by the euphoria that a 55-0 victory gives you and did some things they perhaps might regret. They were caught having sex in a handicapped bathroom stall.

According to a police report, a Metrodome security officer saw two people having sex in a handicapped stall after noticing two sets of feet with underwear dropped to the ground.

A group of 15 onlookers were gawking at the scene by the time officers broke the couple up and wrote them misdemeanor citations.

Not so bad, right? It might be something to brag about lately, and could be a great party story as well. That would be the case under normal circumstances. And while this incident might give them some explaining to do during their next job interview, it seems as though there was some more immediate explaining necessary. The report concludes:

The woman, 38, was turned over to her husband. The man, 26, was turned over to his girlfriend.

Ah, yes. So not only were they caught for having sex in a bathroom stall, but they were cheating at the same time! The caught in the act couple were both visiting from Iowa, and it’s safe to say that it was a long, awkward ride home. How embarrassing.

And thus the lesson is clear. If you’re going to get caught having sex in a stadium bathroom (or anywhere, really), make sure you’re having sex with the proper person.

Aaron Rodgers Makes Him Want To Dance

2008-11-19T18:24:00.000-08:00

Aaron Rodgers might soon be known for his dance skills,but perhaps more consequential is the inspiration he provides to other dances. There's no other way to explain it, really. Aaron Rodgers makes this dude want to dance. And dance he does!

One Heck Of A Catch

2008-11-18T22:57:00.000-08:00

Isaac Stockton, we salute you! That's a SportsCenter-worthy catch if I've ever seen one. Starting at the 18-second mark you'll know what I mean...

World's Hottest Athlete Final Four Continues

2008-11-18T22:32:00.000-08:00

InGameNow's World's Hottest Athlete competition continues again, with Blair O'Neal and Stacy Keibler facing off in the latter part of the Final Four. You can't really go wrong with either one, but check out my take here, and vote here.

Mooning The Goalie Is A Great Way To Score A Goal

2008-11-17T22:15:00.000-08:00

Theatrics has long been a part of soccer. Having trouble remembering a player writhing on the ground with a supposed devestating injury only to get up seconds later chasing after the ball? You've got memory problems then.

But why not bring a little more theatrics to goal scoring? Make that theatrics and tomfoolery. That's what Serie A Catania did during Sunday's 3-2 win over Torino. Three players dropped their shorts in front of the goalkeeper right before a free kick. The keeper was distracted/couldn't see the ball, and the goal went in. Game. Set. Match.

Pietro Lo Monaco, Catania chief executive, disagreed, telling RAI state radio: “A trick? I wouldn’t say so. It’s up to the referee to decide if it should be penalized, otherwise I don’t see where the problem is. . . . Good taste is relative.”

And video to prove it:

While I'd say that's an awesome move, soccer purists might disagree. Never mind them. That's damn funny, and a great way to score a goal. Whether this gets tried out in other sports is only a matter of time. Imagining Rasheed Wallace mooning an opposing player at the free throw line cracks me up. But isn't that also the equivalent of David Stern's worst nightmare?

(Photo Credit: Francesco Pecoraro/AP)

LIO's Take On InGameNow's World's Hottest Athlete Competition

2008-11-17T21:55:00.000-08:00

Lion In Oil is a guest judge on InGameNow's World's Hottest Athlete contest, which has reached the Final Four stage. Anna Kournikova or the Feres Twins? Stacy Keibler or Blair O'Neal? I've put in my two cents. Now vote yourselves!

Cowboys Auction Allows You To Take A Leak With Greatness

2008-11-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

If you're a true Dallas Cowboys fan there are lots of ways to prove your love for the team. You could buy a jersey, get season tickets, or even get a tattoo. But real Dallas Cowboys fans will want something from the Texas Stadium auction. There are more than 600 items up for grabs to the highest bidder, featuring...about everything you could imagine.

Tony Romo's locker would be a real get, as would the 30-foot-by-18-foot stadium entrance awnings. Yet the best buy of all has to the "Dallas Cowboys Official Team Locker Room Urinals." Urinals! Isn't that a man's dream - - to have a urinal in his house? But better yet, it's a urinal that's been peed in by many of the greats in Cowboys and NFL history. It even comes with a complete bathroom stall.

So if you're looking to remodel your bathroom, or any part of your house for that matter, get on this auction! Just imagine the lucky winner giving a tour of his house and proclaiming - this is my "Dallas Cowboys Official Team Locker Room Urinal." Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, and I have now peed in the same urinal. Taking a leak with greatness. Is there anything better?

Indian Cricket Cheerleaders - Not Quite What You're Expecting

2008-11-17T20:13:00.000-08:00

If you had to guess, just what do you think would make Indian Cricket more popular. Better players? Better competition? Nah. It's the cheerleaders!

The Orissa Cricket Association (OCA) is bringing in cheerleaders hoping to boost attendance and popularity for its league. But before you get all excited and book your flight to Cuttack (it's in Northeast India, if you're curious), perhaps you should read the fine print. You see, these aren't the type of cheerleaders we're accustomed to. They're all covered up.

"But I will not have them dressing up in short skirts, as it would be against our culture and traditions," Ashirbad Behera, secretary of the OCA said. "Our audience won't accept it."

Well pal, nobody is going to get too excited if they dress like that. People don't really care about the dance routines. It's the outfits.

So it's baby-steps for cheerleaders in India. They've got a lot of people to win over. After all, earlier this year Mumbai police said they would be checking cheerleaders' performances so they would not violate entertainment licences, resulting in fines. Clearly though, not everyone is accepting of the cheerleaders. Case in point, Ramchandra Guha, a historian.

"Why we always have to borrow the worst of the Western world is beyond me."

Donovan McNabb Is Fit To Be Tied

2008-11-16T18:14:00.000-08:00

Maybe Eagles Quarterback Donovan McNabb got hit too many times on Sunday. Maybe it was the four turnovers against the Bengals. Whatever it was, McNabb didn't seem to know about ties in the NFL. Well, now is as good of a time to learn as ever.

Hockey Fight or Bizarre Ice Dancing? You Decide

2008-11-10T21:03:00.001-08:00

I thought hockey fights were better than this. Shouldn't this be a scene on Dancing With The Stars???

There's No Better Way To Celebrate Than With Phillies "Lucky" Rain

2008-10-30T12:46:00.000-07:00

If you're a Phillies fan it's time to go crazy and celebrate. Those in Philadelphia already have. But if not it's time to get in on the action. You could celebrate like this:

Or even something like this:

The odds are against you doing anything of that sort. So why not do something sensible instead. Commemorative shirts and hats are acceptable. But here's something for the true Phillie Phanatic: "lucky" rain from part 1 of Game 5. Only on eBay, right? Right.

You are bidding on rain from the same storm system that brought the game to a screeching halt. It was collected no more than 5 miles away from Citizens Bank Park. It will be contained in a small vial and then sent to you via priority mail. I do not know what size vial or exactly how much you will get but it will be no less than 2 ml. I took a picture of the rain that I had collected in a pan that was sitting on my front steps. That is the only collection unit that I used so a very limited number of vials will be available & once they are gone, they are gone. Some will laugh but others will covet this tangible piece of history in the making...

Some will laugh. But the last laugh will be on them. $8.99 for a soaked piece of Phillies history? It's a once-in-a-28-year championship, and a once-in-a-lifetime treasure. Let seller Thomas sum up the Phillies' success so succinctly:

"if you shoot for the stars, maybe you'll end up on the mooon."

Indeed.

Grandma Won't Give Ball Back; Grandma Gets Arrested

2008-10-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

88-year-old Edna Jester is one tough cookie. Or that's what it seems. Little ol' Edna was arrested this past Thursday by Blue Ash, Ohio police after refusing to give back her neighbor's ball. She was asked by police to return the teenager's ball, and refused to do it under any circumstance.

"I said go ahead and arrest me. Handcuff me if you'd like, because I said I'm not guilty of anything," said Jester.

Jester fought the law, and the law won this time. She was arrested for petty theft, and the police even took her to jail. Should she be found guilty, she faces at most six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Kind of stiff, no? Had the kids stayed off her lawn, there probably would never have been a problem. If the police arrested Edna for petty theft, then perhaps a trespassing charge should have been threatened against the kids.

In a state where Joe the Plumber can become a national star, where is Edna's 15 minutes of fame? Surely she can become "Edna the Petty Thief," whose Socialistic ways can face off against Joe's simple American dream? I wouldn't mess with Edna, that's for sure.

Professor Dennis Green Won't Let His Students Off The Hook

2008-10-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you have a famous former football coach who likes to rant and has a lot of time on his hands? That would be Professor Dennis Green. The former Vikings and Cardinals Head Coach has begun teaching San Diego State University Sports Business Management MBA program's Strategic Management.

During the semester, students will work on a major project where they will develop a group presentation suggesting a viable solution to the stadium improvement issue currently facing the city of San Diego and the San Diego Chargers. The proposed solution will be based on classroom interaction with local experts involved with the issue and their own research conducted outside the classroom.

The lectern seems like a suitable place for Green, who's perhaps most famous for his fiery rants than his 117-102 career NFL coaching record. The course, BA703, is sure to be interesting. Students may crown Green a great professor, but he surely won't let them off the hook. And, while the class seems to revolve around the San Diego sports scene, it's rumored that the final lecture will be titled "The Bears: They Are Who We Thought They Were." Bullshit!

Sex Olympia 2009: It's Coming

2008-10-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

Back in August half of the buzz around the Beijing Games revolved around how much fooling around went on in the Olympic Village. While not every athlete had a chance to medal, anyone had a chance to get lucky inside in other events. But why should those type of events be limited to Olympians? And thus the Sex Olympia 2009 was born.

The aim of the Sex Olympia is to contribute to the building of a peaceful and better world by liberating the world through sex, practised without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity, fair play and sexual liberty.

To be held in Queensland, Australia in August of next year, the Games will include such events as the Marathon Shag, Clean and Jerk, Sprints, Shot Putting, and Triple Hump. It should be noted that participants will be judged on technique, creativity and statistical measurements where relevant. The rest of the events, with some explanations, can be found here.

An event like this perhaps could only be done in Australia. And while you might be laughing now, the photos from it will help shake the blogosphere out of the inevitable late-summer boredom come next August. The event is open to singles teams as well as couples over the age of 18. So what are you waiting for?

Free Beer For English Soccer Fans? That's Sure To Go Smoothly

2008-10-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

When attendance is down, teams have a number of different options to fill the seats. Discounted tickets and give-aways are two classics. They can also provide incentives, like vouchers for free gas. Bolton, an English Premier League team is trying a new approach, and it'll either be a great success, or result in many arrests and firings. In order to combat slumping attendance they're giving out free beer.

The first 1,000 fans at Saturday's match against Blackburn will be given free beer, with discounted pints available for all of the rest. Ticket prices behind both goals have been slashed to £15 and £5, youngsters can buy a season ticket for £49, and fans are being encouraged to bring banners and flags to the ground’s newly designated ‘singing end’.

Is it just me, or does this sound disastrous? Sure, attendance is down. But the combo of cheap food, beer and tickets seems to be asking for the wrong crowd. That formula seems to be foolproof across the globe, and I'm not sure how Bolton thinks it'll be any different.

Saturday's game should be fun, though. The same goes for the police in riot-gear that are sure to be there as well.

Vlade Takes His Flip-Flopping To Politics

2008-10-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

We all remember Vlade Divac. The man who might be best remembered for being traded for Kobe Bryant on Draft Night in 1996 if not for his flopping skills has made the most of his retirement. He created the Humanitarian Organization Divac, helping displaced Serbian refugees across Europe.

Now Vlade is taking on government. Or more like joining it. He's accepted an invitation to become an advisor to the Serbian government and Deputy Prime Minister Ivica Dačić. Vlade will be focusing on two major areas in Serbia: humanitarian issues and sports. And he's qualified for both.

“The deputy prime minister called me several months ago to explain to me his idea for me to be his adviser for the diaspora, sports and humanitarian work. That is what interests me, and if they want to create something positive, I can advise them,” he said.

Vlade's done some great work on behalf of the causes dear to his heart, and it's nice to see him taking his leadership to the next level. And he's also found another profession where flip-flopping is a big part of the game. Maybe he can get some political pointers from John Kerry? He's got time on his hands these days...

Christ Does Everything - Even Football!

2008-10-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

After rushing for 232 yards in a High School football game, is there anything Christ can't do? It's really too bad that Glouchester Catholic High School has Alex Christ, not that Jesus fellow. Still - 232 yards rushing and three touchdowns on 23 carries? He seems like a Christ we can get behind too!

David Fincher Does Nike

2008-10-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

Nike has a rich history of tremendous advertising, and their partnership with David Fincher is just another example. Finhcer, the director of Se7en, Fight Club, and Zodiac traces LaDainian Tomlinson and Troy Polamalu's journeys to the NFL. In many respects this is what we've come to expect from Nike, and they deliver once again.

Best/Worst Headline Ever?

2008-10-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

While you might easily think the above headline is a dispatch from the porn capital of the San Fernando Valley in Southern California, it's really a High School girl's golf dispatch from Bowling Green, Kentucky. Thank you, Courier-Dispatch proof-readers for allowing this headline to go through.

And seriously - what about her third hole? Not so soggy, I guess?

FOUND: The Perfect Activity For Four-Year-Olds

2008-10-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

When I was four years old I did lots of fun stuff. I had toys, played with friends, and went to pre-school. I was no overachiever like Leonardo Panayiotou, that's for sure. He might look like your average cute kid, but he's much more than that. I had a bike with training wheels. Panayiotou is racing cars, and getting paid for it.

Panayiotou drives a go-cart at the track where Lewis Hamilton got his start. He spends over 16 hours per week training and has snared over $17,000 worth of sponsorships from five different companies. Panayiotou might be a good driver and all, but that's a lot of money to spend on a four-year-old, isn't it? While I might be a wee-bit skeptical, others clearly aren't.

Rye House manager Steve Cutting said: "I've been at the track for eight years and in the business for 15 and he is the most outstanding and talented driver I've seen for his age."

Cutting has a point, but it's probably due to the fact that the sample size is small. You have to assume that most parents wouldn't let a kid that age go anywhere near a go-cart.

Anyhow, Panayiotou's clearly got something special. Due to insurance rules the poor kid won't be able to race competitively for another four years, so let's hope this doesn't turn into a Marinovich-type affair. And while four years may seem like a lifetime to Panayiotou (because it is!), those insurance companies have a point. But perhaps they should go further. Do we really need eight-year-old competitive racing? What happened to soccer?

Great Uses Of Judgement: Football Player Amputates Finger To Continue Career

2008-10-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

There are some players whose dedication can never be called into question. Mesa State Right Guard Trevor Wikre is one of those people. There are also some players whose judgement can be called into question. Mesa State Right Guard Trevor Wikre is also one of those people.

Wikre, a senior, dislocated his right pinky finger during Mesa State's win over Fort Lewis last week. You can imagine how Wikre took the news that a full recovery would entail operating and inserting pins into his pinky, ending his season, and his collegiate career.

Rather than forgo the final six games of the season, Wikre instead chose to lose his pinky for the rest of his life. Yep, he had his pinky finger amputated in order to play low-level collegiate football. So there's good dedication, and then there's foolish dedication. This one has to fall in the latter category. Wasn't there anyone around who was able to discourage this? I guess only time will tell how this one turns out.

Cubs Fans Can Eat Their Pitchers

2008-10-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Even before the first pitch of the series Chicago Cubs fans are getting excited. Not just fans though - businesses are getting in on the fun as well. Take Chicago-based Vienna Beef. They've created a whole line of hot dogs in honor of the Cubs' pitching staff.

Cubs fans might want to try the Dempster Dog, which honors Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster's Canadian heritage. One Vienna Beef hot wrapped by three slices of Canadian bacon topped with relish and mustard. Oh so good, and oh so Canadian!

If that doesn't whet your whistle, there's more. A bunch more wieners to satisfy the tastes of any Cubs fan.

Other specialty dogs include the Marquis Dog (honoring New Yorker Jason Marquis), which sports a Staten Island flair, and the Wood-ie Dog (honoring Kerry Wood), which is testament to Woods ability to work a quick inning or two and wrap up the game. The Marmol Dog, (honoring Carlos Marmol) which plays off Marmols terrific slider, and the Lilly Dog, which celebrates Ted Lillys great curve ball, round out the rotation.

That's five dogs. But will the Cubs have enough home games for fans to try each one? They'd be smart to double-up and eat two at a time over the next few days just in case.

Prince Fielder Gets A Money Shot

2008-09-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

The Milwaukee Brewers haven't been to the postseason in 26 years, so it's understandable if their players aren't quite sure how to celebrate. Take first baseman Prince Fielder. He let loose by...having someone give him a money shot? Or maybe that's just what it looks like. Either way, EWWW!!!

Photo Credit: AP Photo/Morry Gash

Baron Davis On Jenny Craig: A Bad Omen For The Clippers?

2008-09-24T22:03:00.000-07:00

This is hard to believe, but something like this can only happen to a team like the Clippers. The Clippers spent big-time money on homegrown guard Baron Davis this past summer. But perhaps he’s spent the summer eating too much homemade comfort foods. Before he’s even played a game for the team, he’s effectively made an off the court turnover. He’s joined Jenny Craig.

Isn’t Davis obligated to at least feign dedication to his craft after signing the big contract? I thought weight-gains and lax play came after at least the first year. This is bad enough, but it gets worse when you find out he’s taking fitness advice from Queen Latifah.

"I know Queen Latifah, and when I saw her out there using it, I thought maybe I could use it, too, to work on my health and fitness goals and inspire others," he tells PEOPLE.

During the NBA off-season, Davis let his fitness slide. "In the off-season, it's kind of hard to maintain day-to-day," he says. "I don't want to get up and cook. And when I pig out, I'm the type of person where there's no limit to what I can do."

There’s supposed to be no limit to what Davis can achieve on the hardwood with his Clippers teammates, rather than no limit to how much he can eat. Davis has had a great summer filming videos with Steve Nash, but perhaps he should have pushed away from the table a little bit more often too.

Mike Leach’s Dating Tips

2008-09-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

Texas Tech coach Mike Leach is was asked recently about what to do with someone on a first date. Leach was a good sport, and perhaps a budding relationship-counselor? He’s known for his innovative offenses, but his dating advice was pretty ordinary.

“And the thing that’s great about it is that there’s very little salad at Kagels, so that the girl will be forced to eat in front of you.”

And, of course, should the date go well, Leach knows what to do. You should “trade computer names.” Amen to that.

Zohan 2: Don’t Mess With Ovechkin

2008-09-19T22:27:00.000-07:00

Fans of You Don’t Mess With The Zohan now have a real life hero to admire off the big screen. That would be Capitals LW Alexander Ovechkin, who has an endorsement deal with Hair Cuttery. And you guessed it – they cut hair. The sponsorship deal stemmed from Ovechkin’s visit to Hair Cuttery for a haircut. And the rest is history.

The company launched OvieStyle.com, a site dedicated to all things Ovechkin, and probably a little bit of style. But if you think Ovechkin is a style-maven, you’re truly mistaken. He’s not the reincarnation of Zohan. He just likes to keep things simple.

On how he started going to Hair Cuttery in the first place:

"I can't remember what I was thinking," Ovechkin said. "I just go to the mall after practice because I have big hair."

On how he likes his hair cut

"I just go to her and I say, 'Short,' " he explained.

Fair enough. We’ll just call him low-maintenance. Ovie has other sponsorship deals with CCM and Energy Drinks, but his association with Hair Cuttery is clearly the most dear to him, and the most bizarre.

(HT: D.C. Sports Bog)

Ralph Nader’s Presidential Chances Mirror Those Of The Nationals

2008-09-18T20:56:00.001-07:00

Hey, remember Ralph Nader? You know, he’s the guy who allowed George W. Bush to beat Al Gore in 2000? The 72 year-old is running for President again this cycle, although you wouldn’t otherwise notice it. The same goes for the press. While they spend their time unfavorably covering McCain or too favorably covering McCain or doing something like that for Obama, they’re also not spending much time on Nader. The television networks have devoted a whopping 10 seconds covering his campaign. And that really hurts Nader’s feelings.

Nader recounted a recent meeting with editors at The Washington Post, who he said told him the paper wasn’t covering his campaign because he had no chance of winning. According to Nader, he replied: “Then why are you covering the Nationals” a reference to Washington’s long-suffering baseball team.

Nader is mad, I get that. But to compare himself to the Washington Nationals is unfair to the baseball team. Sure, they’ve got the second-worst record in baseball. But the Nationals have a .382 winning percentage. Compare that to Nader’s 2% polling recently, and you can see how Manny Acta and crew might not like the reference. The Nationals may not have a very good chance of winning any given game, but Ralph Nader has no chance of winning this election.

Don't Fall Asleep At Shea

2008-09-18T20:28:00.001-07:00

Falling asleep drunk at a sporting event isn’t advisable at any time. But you really don’t want it happening at a New York stadium. The fans loved it, but probably because they knew this guy wouldn’t blow it like the Mets bullpen does on an almost daily basis.

On another note, where was this guy’s friends?

Why Idaho Stinks – It’s Not The Uniforms, But The Cheerleaders

2008-09-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

After getting crushed 70-0 a few weeks ago by Arizona the University of Idaho football team decided it needed to shake things up. So they ditched the “I” on their bottoms. It helped – sort of. They defeated Idaho State 42-27 the next week. Despite the win there were still uniform changes to be made. This time, to those of the cheerleaders.

It seems that in Moscow, Idaho, two-piece cheerleading outfits don’t fly. I guess risqué outfits are more offensive in those parts than 70-0 losses. Go figure. Either way, the squad received so many complaints that the two-piecers have been replaced with more conservative ones.

While the fans might not like the outfits, perhaps he actual football team did. Last week, playing before more conservatively dressed cheerleaders they lost 51-28 to Western Michigan. Perhaps all the different cogs in the Vandals football machine can get their act together for this Saturday’s game at Utah State. Win, and make everyone happy. It’s tough, I know.

LIO Privacy Policy

2008-09-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

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Straight From A Duke Lawyer’s Mouth: Duke Football Sucks

2008-09-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

College football powerhouses routinely schedule games against lower-tiered schools, and it goes something like this: Good team pays inferior team a large sum of money, inferior team comes up to good team’s stadium and gets annihilated. Something like that was supposed to happen when the University of Louisville scheduled Duke for a four-game series, except that Duke decided to get out of playing the games.

After being sued by Louisville, Duke argued that they’d only have to pay a fee to exit the contract if Louisville was unable to find a suitable opponent “of similar stature” to that of the Blue Devils. And when they say “similar stature,” what they really mean is anyone. Any former 1-A school, and many 1-AA schools. Heck, Duke thinks Ashton Kutcher’s team might be of similar stature. Let the video from Louisville v. Duke, specifically Duke’s lawyer explain.

"I think the Court can absolutely positively take judicial notice that Duke is probably the worst football team in Division I football [Emphasis added]. Everybody knows that. That’s no secret. The longest losing streak, the inability to ever win games. Everybody knows about it. That’s well documented. We certainly don’t have to go out and take six months of discovery to establish that for you."

I think most people would probably agree with the Duke’s point. Except that we’re not Duke, going out and explaining in court why we suck. It might be an athletic low point, but it was also a winning judicial argument. Judge Phillip Shepherd agreed with Duke that their football team sucked.

The term ‘team of similar stature’ simply means any team that competes at the same level of athletic performance as the Duke football team. At oral argument, Duke . . . persuasively asserted that this is a threshold that could not be any lower... Duke won only one football game, and lost eleven, during the 2007 football season.

So by trashing themselves in court, Duke was able to win their case. They might have won in court, but they’ve lost a lot of their dignity along the way. And to those Duke-haters salivating at this, realize that it’s a double-edged sword. They might not be any good at football, but they’re probably still smarter than you are.

Hamburger HSV Fans Can Now Root On For Eternity

2008-09-09T20:58:00.001-07:00

It’s one thing to love your team to death. But to love your team in death as well - - now that’s real dedication. We’re not talking sports themed tombstones either. German soccer club Hamburger HSV has come up with a way of showing team spirit that you don’t see very often. They’re opening up a cemetery just for their fans.

Hamburger HSV fans can now spend eternity just yards away from their team plays their home games. 300-500 “lucky” fans will have the opportunity to show their Hamburger HSV love. The entrance to the cemetery will be shaped like a soccer goal, and graves will be covered by grass transplanted from Nordbank Arena stadium. What’s not to love, really?

HSV supporter Ernst Schmidt, an 81-year-old widower, said he may reserve a plot even though he has already made arrangements to be buried alongside his wife. "I'm going to enquire whether it's possible," Schmidt told reporters. "I've been an HSV fan for 57 years. My life, it's only football."

Prices weren’t readily available. But to be buried amongst fellow fans? That’s worth it regardless of cost. And I’m sure their wives agree.

It's A Big Day For The Cassel Family

2008-09-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

The big story of Sunday was the fall of Tom Brady. Perhaps out for the season, Patriots fans and fantasy football players alike shrieked in pain over Brady's knee agony. As bad of a day as it was for the nationwide Brady "family," it was a that good of a day for the real life Cassel family.

Consider newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel the Sarah Palin of the NFL. Drafted in the 7th round out of USC Cassel backed up Heisman Trophy winners Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart, playing rarely but for mop-up duty. Ditto that for his three seasons with the Patriots, albeit this time with Tom Brady. Like Palin, Cassel has been thrust into the spotlight, and nobody really knows anything about him. And much like Palin made a well-received first impression this past Wednesday at the RNC, Cassel did the same on Sunday, putting up decent numbers in a win.

A good day it was for the Cassel clan. It would have been enough! But then entered brother Jack, a reliever for the Houston Astros. There's no Palin metaphor here, really. It's just that Jack became the second Cassel brother to enter the game as an injury replacement, taking over for Wandy Rodriguez in the second inning. This Cassel notched four innings for the Astros, giving up two earned runs.

Sunday was an unexpected day for the Cassel family, with two brothers playing big roles. Like Palin we'll probably be learning a lot more about Matt Cassel over the next few weeks. The only difference being the lack of opposition researchers pouring over his past.

Things Josh Beckett Could Have Worked On While On The DL: Zipping His Fly

2008-09-06T23:58:00.000-07:00

Red Sox hurler Josh Beckett came off the DL to notch his 12th win of the season on Friday night, pitching five scoreless innings against the Texas Rangers. On the DL since August 17th, Beckett had a chance to rest his inflamed elbow.

While he was resting on the DL he easily could have been working on something else that's crucial - zipping up his fly. It's to get another winning. But winning is more fun when your fly is up!

Photo Credit: Star-Telegram/Tom Pennington

Ripped From The Headlines: Team Dumps Logo Near Buttocks After 70-0 Loss

2008-09-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

Whatever you thought it was, you were probably wrong. Instead the Idaho Vandals football team is dropping the letter “I” from the back of their pants. The move was done in reaction to their 70-0 loss to Arizona last Saturday.

Rob Spears, the school's athletic director, says nobody realized just how the logo placed in the center of the players' behinds would look before they tried their pants on.

The new-look Vandals may be I-less on their asses when they play Idaho State University on Saturday, but surely they know that won’t be the reason they win or loss. But hey, think whatever you want.

Chad Ocho Cinco’s Identity Crisis

2008-09-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

By now we all know that the wide receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson is now legally known as Chad Ocho Cinco. And he will be known as Ocho Cinco on all club business, including the back of his jersey during Sunday’s game at Baltimore.

The websites of the various big hitters on the web have been slower to recognize Ocho Cinco’s new name. If John Bonser can become Boof Bonser, then anything else can pass too, right? ESPN and Yahoo! were quick on the draw, but NFL.com and CBS Sports were as of this writing still a wee bit apprehensive about changing it around. If that’s his name, that’s his name!

Hallelujah! Finally A Scientific Theory Sports Fans Can Unite Around

2008-09-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

I love sports, and I'm guessing you probably do as well. And, you guessed it - I watch a lot of it too. I've often defended my viewing habits with the notion that it's better than the quality of programming that often fills the remaining 1,574 channels on my cable box. While I've always believed this to be true, I've never had any scientific backing. Until now, that is.

Thanks to the lovely researchers at the University of Chicago sports fans now have the scientific study that until this point has been at our fingertips.

Being an athlete or merely a fan improves language skills when it comes to discussing their sport because parts of the brain usually involved in playing sports are instead used to understand sport language, new research at the University of Chicago shows.

See that? The study focused on hockey in particular. Hockey players, fans, and those who'd never seen or played the sport were used as participants. And it showed that even watching sports activates a region of the brain associated with planning and controlling actions.

Brain imaging revealed that when hockey players and fans listen to language about hockey, they show activity in the brain regions usually used to plan and select well-learned physical actions. The increased activity in motor areas of the brain helps hockey players and fans to better understanding hockey language. The results show that playing sports, or even just watching, builds a stronger understanding of language, Sian Beilock, Associate Professor in Psychology at the University of Chicago said.

Sure, you could say that this is just one study. You could also mention that with enough ambition and hubris you could come up with a scientific study that concludes just about anything (see: climate change is not real; intelligent design). But isn't this how we operate? We find something that sounds good to us and defend to the death. And thus I have found the one scientific theory that I love above all else. It's the "See, watching sports is really good for you after all" theory.

So the next time you're being criticized for watching your fourth football game of the day, just say that you're working on improving the neural networks that support comprehension. Or something like that. Right?

Sarah Palin's Sportscasting Past

2008-08-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

As people try to fill in the void filled by "who on earth is Sarah Palin," I'm sure a number of these videos will come about. And judging by this old video above, Governor Sarah Palin's oratory skills haven't changed much over the years. Here's one true gem: "There's Tommy Lasorda - he needs to learn to relax a bit." She'll be perfect on the campaign trail.

Your Dreams Of Being Like Jim Tressel Just Got A Wee Bit Easier

2008-08-28T01:01:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the year we learned how Trojan faithful could be a little more like Pete Carroll. But what are the odds Carroll actually wears those shirts? Real fans want to dress just like their favorite coaches. Then want to be like them, and dress like them. Now Ohio State fans can pretend to be coach Jim Tressel so much easier now that the officially licensed Ohio State Sweater Vest T-Shirt is available to all.

The idea of the OSU Sweater Vest T-Shirt materialized during the 2006 football season...we realized how fortunate we are to have Coach Tressel lead our team onto the field every Saturday and represent our beloved University. He is a class act, revered throughout the nation not just for his wins and losses, but for the way he represents the Ohio State University.

During his tenure as head coach of the Buckeyes, he has become famous for wearing a sweater vest and tie on the sidelines - unlike any other coach in the nation. He is so synonymous with this image, that fans mimic this look every gameday. The OSU Sweater Vest T-Shirt is just a simple idea that we feel can help unify students, alumni, parents, kids, and fans from all over in support of our great coach and University.

This might be the smartest way to show one’s Ohio State loyalty. The players might be the stars, but they come and go in a matter of years. If you buy a Chris Wells replica jersey it has an expiration date – before long it’ll be a throwback. Tressel is the one with potential to last forever, and this shirt allows you to live and root with him (you might want to buy a size bigger to account for your inevitable weight-gain). All for a mere $20!

Once you’ve procured the Sweater Vest shirt you’ll undoubtedly need the officially licensed Sweater Vest Bottle Koozie. There’s no indication that Tressel drinks while watching football, or that he drinks at all. But you probably do. And thus you’ll need the koozie as well. The ability to be a die-hard Ohio State fan in style just got a lot easier. Are you game, Buckeyes fans?

A Turf Party - It’s Sort Of Like Watching Grass Grow

2008-08-27T23:58:00.000-07:00

There are big happenings on the campus of UT-Martin! Classes started this past Monday, and, the mighty Skyhawks have installed FieldTurf on their football field. The new playing surface cost $750,000, and the school is the first in Tennessee to put it in. Exciting stuff, right?

Well, I didn’t think so. But then again I’m not a die-hard UT-Martin Skyhawks fan. They held what must now be described as a “Turf Party.”

Students, faculty and the local community all showed up Monday at Graham Stadium on the campus of U of Tennessee-Martin. The reason wasn't just to get ready for the upcoming season (the Skyhawks' home opener is September 6 against Baker University). No, the locals were there to stare and feel the $750,000 FieldTurf that had recently been installed.

Party on, Skyhawks fans!

"I think it's fabulous," said UTM fan John Abel. "It is great that the community can come out here and actually play on the turf just to see how it feels."

So, did it end up feeling just like grass? The manufacturer is eagerly awaiting your confirmation, John. Maybe the Skyhawks will win some games this season. Then their fans will have a reason to have a real party.

This Man Wants To Remind You That He Is NOT Michael Phelps

2008-08-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

Despite the slight resemblance to Michael Phelps, former British Olympic swimmer Steve Parry is NOT Michael Phelps. The real question is - - why wouldn’t you want to pass off as Phelps for a few days? It might make for some interesting tales...

The Landing Pad Ate The Pole Vaulter

2008-08-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

The dog may not have eaten the homework, but it does appear as though the landing pad has devoured this now potentially “former” pole vaulter. Good thing pole vaulting is about the jump, not the landing.

(Photo Credit: Marc Aspland/Times Online)

Barbie Fishing Rods Are Tougher Than You Think

2008-08-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

There’s a popular section in a not too scholarly magazine entitled “They’re Just Like Us,” where they do normal human activities. And now the same can be said for record holding fisherman. Sort of.

David Hayes of North Carolina is now owns the state record for channel catfish after reeling one in weighing 21 pounds, 1 ounce. And he caught it using his 3-year-old granddaughter’s pink Barbie fishing rod. The granddaughter asked him to just hold it for a second. Instead he hauled in a record catch.

First off, who knew that Barbie fishing rods even existed? And while they might be dainty and pink, it’s pretty clear they’re well-made and sturdy. These are serious instruments! Even the granddaughter was surprised the fishing rod held up against the 21+ pounder.

"Papa, you're going to break my fishing rod," she told him.
"Wait until you see what I've got on the other end of this rod," he said.

The prize catch currently resides in Hayes’ freezer, and is soon to be mounted on a wall. But shouldn’t it be Barbie that gets the real recognition here? I doubt it will happen, but it would be great to see a pink Barbie fishing rod at the next big tournament, wouldn’t it?

(Photo Credit: N.C. Wildlife Resources Commission)

Adult Diapers Key To Opening Ceremony Success

2008-08-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

There’s no doubt that Beijing’s opening ceremony was a tremendous feat. Save for a little bit of lip-synching, it was a great spectacle. Yet it wasn’t without a lot of hard work too. The 15,000-odd cast and crew survived rain-drenched conditions, head stroke, 16-hour days, paralysis, and a 51-hour rehearsal. And, um, diapers.

In the Olympic ceremony segment showcasing the Chinese invention of movable type, the nearly 900 performers who crouched under 40-pound boxes donned adult diapers to allow them to stay inside for at least six hours, Beijing organizers said.

The pain and sacrifices were well worth it, right? The ceremony organizers sure thought so. In fact, in their eyes only the North Koreans could have done a better job. Whatever that means.

But back to the diapers. Talk about commitment. I might be able to stand a 51-hour rehearsal and heat stroke. I might even be able to do paralysis for my country. But diapers? That’s where I’d draw the line. You’ve got to imagine a soiled adult diaper makes for poor performing conditions though (wouldn't you think...). Good thing I wasn’t part of the group, as the performers seemed pretty darn satisfied.

"All the tears, the sweat, and sometimes even blood that we shed, I now think it was quite worth it," said Ren Yang, 17, also of the Tagou school. "When we performed that night, all that I could feel in my heart was joy. Pure joy."

Pure Joy. I think I’ve found the name for my new line if adult diapers.

This Home Run Derby Lacking In Home Runs

2008-08-19T20:49:00.000-07:00

The New York-Penn League held their annual All-Star game on Tuesday night along with a pre-game Home Run Derby. Good times for all, indeed. Except for those who came to witness home runs. They could have used NY-Penn alum Josh Hamilton in these parts, as homers were few and far between.

With a stiff wind blowing from left to right, the contingent of eight New York-Penn League All-Stars did manage to combine for all of five homers in 85 swings.

Auburn Doubledays DH Adam Amar “won” the derby. And he hit two out of the park.

The NY-Penn League is a short-season Class A league, so I guess there’s lots of room for improvement. But 5 total homers? Really? That’s it? This is what happens when performance-enhancing drugs leave the game. A homerless home run derby. Just think about that.

Is It Just Me?

2008-08-18T22:19:00.000-07:00

Or does Hungarian runner Barbara Petrahn (upper left-hand corner) look somewhat out of place in a women’s race. It might be the track or the shadowing. Or it might just be that the gender testing lab let one slip through the cracks. Either way, Petrahn came in fourth in her first round heat, and didn’t qualify for the next round. Still, the photo makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Potentially Scary Photo Credit: Jack Gruber/Gannett News Service

Women Against Fantasy Sports – Whodathunkit?

2008-08-18T21:59:00.000-07:00

It’s the middle of August, which means that football season is tantalizingly close. August also brings the beginning of Fantasy Football, and the endless ranking of players, live drafts, auto-drafts, trades, waiver picks, and endless strategizing. A private research group estimates that U.S. employers will lose $9.2 billion in lost work due to Fantasy Football, but employers aren’t the only ones to suffer. There’s also the wives/girlfriends/domestic partners/etc who lose out as well. And thus Women Against Fantasy Sports was established.

WomenAgainstFantasySports, or WAFS, was started by a woman with a dream. A dream that, as promised in the wedding vows she shared with her husband, would involve the daily joys of spending time with her best friend, her confidant, her love. Alas, the advent of fantasy sports has crushed her hopes and desires, thereby making her a widow 2 months out of each year. In coping, she has found refuge in the world wide web – a place where she can share her griefs, her pains, and her story with other widows. (Thanks for providing the platform, Mr. Gore).

Women of America, behold a site you can all get behind. It can be a place that understands your “real” needs, and understands where you’re coming from. A place where you can spend your time while we play our fantasy sports. And thanks to this place women nationwide will finally understand and appreciate the significance of drafting of a franchise player. It’s really a tool for them to help us.

Who Needs A Glove When You’ve Got A Beer?

2008-08-18T21:12:00.001-07:00

The argument is often made that grown men shouldn’t bring gloves to a ballgame. I happen to disagree. But if I was able to catch with a beer or soda like this guy, then I guess it would be a moot argument.

(This video might be a few months old, but it’s still amazing)

Bill Belichick Is All-Knowing

2008-08-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

Bill Belichick is many things. He’s smart, successful, and a little bit creepy too. In fact, it’s hard to imagine there’s anything about him that we don’t already know. Think again, though. We must add “all-knowing” to the list. Or so it seems.

Take Tuesday’s practice, where the Patriots were conducting a full-squad no-huddle drill. Nothing would escape Belichick’s eagle eye.

On one sideline catch by Randy Moss, which he initially ruled incomplete, he changed his mind based on instant replay. Of course, there was no replay machine out at the practice. [Emphasis Added]

If ever there was a question on how firm Belichick’s grip on the team was, this probably sums it up. He doesn't need any machine to tell him what's what. Bill Belichick is his own instant replay machine. Like you'd really expect anything else. And to that end, I wonder how often he’s been right on real instant replay challenges. The all-knowing one must have a pretty good percentage. Either way, let’s make sure to put that on his tombstone.

Malaysia’s Olympic Team Is Seemingly Filled With Transformers Robots

2008-08-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

Don’t be too confused by the above Olympics promo for Malaysian TV station Astro. It only appears that the Transformers are playing for Malaysia this summer. They’ve got too many tests to let them slip into the games. And, of course, they’d probably have more than zero medals if they did. I'd like to see Michael Phelps compete against these guys!

Olympic Weightlifting: Don't Try This At Home

2008-08-12T23:50:00.000-07:00

If you've got a weak stomach look away now. Especially you, Joe Theismann. Hungarian Weightlifter Janos Baranyai did something to his right arm as he was competing in the Group B men's 77kg category on Wednesday in Beijing. Baranyai was taken to the hospital, and withdrew from the competition. Here's guessing he won't be lifting much of anything for a while. Let's all hope he gets better soon.

(Photo Credits: Phil Walter/Getty Images)

Why So Serious, Beijing Police? Smile!

2008-08-12T23:25:00.001-07:00

The Beijing Police force has a lot to be concerned about. Aside from protecting the 11+ million residents of the city they’re also in charge of the safety of the 11,028 Olympians competing and the many thousands more of guests. That’s a tall order for any force, with the murder of a US Olympic Team family member exhibiting how one act can change the mood of the entire games. But as the games unfold the Beijing Police is getting some criticism, and it’s not just because of the crime.

IOC Marketing Commission Chairman Gerhard Heiberg has a beef, and he doesn’t think he’s alone. The Beijing Police are too grim. The Norwegian Heiberg thinks that more smiling is in order.

The thousands of volunteers on the streets of Beijing are helpful and smiling, Heiberg told the Norwegian daily Aftenposten. "The police and military, on the other hand, need to act differently. Their faces look like they are made of stone. They're seriously scaring the foreigners in Beijing. The fact that they're armed and look sinister just makes things worse. That's why I've talked to China's political authorities and the Olympics organizers at our daily meetings. I've asked them to get people to smile more," the former athlete said.

I’m not sure that smiling and welcoming attitudes from police have ever encouraged lax behavior, but I’m fairly certain strict and intimidating ones do prevent and deter. This isn’t democracy, after all. Do Olympic visitors expect to be greeted with milk and cookies? Who cares what they look like – they’re doing their job.

While There's No Crying In Baseball, Double Trap Shooting Is Another Story

2008-08-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

The famous saying goes that there’s no crying in baseball. In Double Trap Shooting? That’s another story. Witness Italian Francesco D'Aniello wail away after winning the silver medal. And I do mean wail. What would he have done had he won the Gold??? But they might not have been tears of joy.

Not long after winning the silver, D’Aniello tried to become a charity case – or something like that. Italy, like many other countries, pays its medalists a bonus. D’Aniello will get one too, but he doesn’t want to pay taxes on it.

"I would sincerely hope that the (Italian) parliament would pass this law," D'Aniello told a news conference when asked about the taxation back home, a question and answer translated from Italian back and forth through Chinese and English."We athletes go through major sacrifices to get to this level. It would be the right thing to do to remove the taxes from what we get here. It would be a very good thing," he said, without stating the value of the reward.

Beggars can’t be choosers. But I guess beggars don’t often win Olympic medals either. And if they did, they probably wouldn’t mind paying the tax either...

For His Country, Carmelo Sacrifices His Groin

2008-08-11T22:10:00.000-07:00

When not wondering why Yao Ming never seems to deliver in any big game, ponder over the above picture. Carmelo Anthony takes it to Yao for a bucket in the paint. The question is - - is two points worth a giant knee to the groin? Carmelo’s never going to take a bullet for his country. But it looks like he can take a knee.

(Photo by Jesse D. Garrabrant/NBAE via Getty Images)

Are You Upset With Your Favorite Team's Performance? Sue Them!

2008-07-29T23:25:00.000-07:00

Much like the rest of you, I’ve had plenty of disappointments at the hand of my favorite sports teams. And I’ve even become upset over teams that I truly didn’t care about. Why? It probably has something to do with the human connection to sports, and the inherent feelings of winning and losing explicitly defined on the playing field. Yet no matter how many times I may have been bummed out over a loss – or even a losing season – I’ve never gone the way of Yavor Bluskov.

Yavor Bluskov, a fan of the soccer team CSKA Sofia, is suing the former president of his beloved club for almost $250,000. You see, it was owner Alexandar Tomov’s fault that the team didn’t succeed, thus resulting in the "immaterial damages and mental torment" alleged in the suit.

You might think that Bluskov’s suit would be detrimental to his squad. If you really loved your team you’d root harder, not sue them, right? In this case it’s more like kicking a man while he’s down. Tomov resigned as club president in June, and was charged with embezzlement earlier this month.

Tomov may have left the team, but Bluskov still has the mental scars, and it seems that he’ll do what it takes to make him pay.

"I'll chase him (Tomov) until he pays me for the mental torment," Bluskov said.

That’s right - - and you’re next, Kevin Malone!

Bollywood Over Federer, 15-0

2008-07-24T22:40:00.000-07:00

Things haven’t been going too well for Roger Federer recently. Sure, his epic Wimbledon finals loss to Rafael Nadal was understandable. But this week’s defeat at the hands of Frenchman Gilles Simon at the Rogers Cup is harder to explain. Or is it? Bollywood might be behind Federer’s defeat this time around.

When Federer arrived at the Toronto Hilton he probably expected to get his usual level of service. And by that he’d be given “The Federer Suite,” named after himself. You might expect that you'd be able to use anything bearing your name, right? Not in this case. Despite requesting the room, Federer was denied. It was occupied by some Bollywood stars.

Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwrya Rai, in town for their "Unforgettable World Tour" were already staying in Federer suite. Now I always thought that four and five star hotels provided the kind of service to avoid these sorts of things. The hotel wouldn't budge, and Federer was forced into another room.

If Federer didn't know who Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwrya Rai are, he surely does now. But the real lesson is clear: things go wrong when you start losing Wimbledon!

The Danica-Milka Duel Creates Great Moments In Journalism

2008-07-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

By this point we’ve all heard and seen the “fight” between Danica Patrick and Milka Duno. Hugo Chavez’s favorite IndyCar driver seemed to take the upper-hand in the battle, even if it really is much ado about nothing.

BUT, that doesn’t mean people can’t have a little fun with it, right? Fox Sports has covered it like everyone else, but with a twist. While their story might have been journalistic, the poll tucked into the right-hand corner is even more so. It simply asks you to “choose your weapons for the next Danica-Milika Duel,” with cars, towels, pillows and Super Soakers as your choices. Is it really any surprise that Super Soakers have an overwhelming lead? Now all we need to is fill them up and have them handy for the next spat. And next time, maybe it will be a real spat after all!

Herein Lies Ryan Doumit's Motivation Techniques

2008-07-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know a whole lot about Pirates Catcher Ryan Doumit. But based on the photo above, it's clear that he does a lot more than hit and catch. Shown above doing the patented "Doumit Crotch-Grab" on Saturday, he's also proven to be a master motivator. If that won't get Yoslan Herrera to throw strikes, I don't really know what will.

Uh, I’m Pretty Sure This Isn’t How Things Usually Go

2008-07-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

“Mutton Buster” Gracie Schmitt got a little more than she was bargaining for earlier in the week. At the Snake River Stampede she should have been riding the sheep. Things didn't seem to go as planned, did they?

(PHOTO CREDIT: AP PHOTO)

This Shopping Spree Will Surely Be What Brings Favre Back

2008-07-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

We all know by this point that Brett Favre wants to return to Football. But what’s perhaps understated is Wisconsinites’ desire to have him back as well. One Wisconsin store owner really wants it to happen.

Jon Gafner owns Oshkosh-based Jon’s Sports Shop. It’s a hunting supply store. So badly does he want Favre to return that should it happen, Gafner will give him a $25,000 shopping spree.

"Brett could take a new rifle off the rack, a new scope, shotgun, clothes. It's a great shopping spree. I'd like to win it."

Of course that $25,000 is just a drop in the bucket compared to the over $11 million Favre made last year. But hey, everyone has to contribute something, right? Perhaps Gafner should be appealing not to Favre, but Packers management. They seem to be the conflicted ones. And they also might need those scopes and shotguns more than Brett does.

Nothing, though, will beat the Stadium II Bar’s offer in Green Bay. They’re offering a $25,000 pizza party. And with that I’ve now added the “$25,000 pizza party” to my list of things I’d really like to see.

One Grieving Indians Fan Puts His Allegiances Up For Sale

2008-07-10T23:17:00.002-07:00

It’s a sad thing when a team trades away its best player during the middle of a season, effectively giving up on the season at hand. So what is a fan to do when their team waves the white flag? You could stop caring, for one. Or you could be like this Cleveland Indians fan, grieving over the 2008 campaign after last week’s trade of CC Sabathia.

I am an Indian's Fan who clearly doesn't have anything to root for in the next several months, but I want to find a reason to root for something to fill the hole in my soul.

Therefore, I am renting out my enthusiasm to anyone who feels like an extra fan will put them over the top.

Winning this guy’s “fandom” comes with quite the package. This dude will not only root as hard as he can for your team, but he’ll even watch at least one game a week. And not only will he “at least 3 emails a week telling you how awesome your team is,” but he’ll also “email a friend of yours and tell them why their team sucks, and why your team is awesome.”

But this fan has his limits. There are some things he just won’t do...unless you pony up. Want him to root for the Yankees? That’s an extra $10,000. It will cost you $35,000 to have him root for a team that Barry Bonds joins. And for all you Major Leaguers out there looking for a one-man rooting squad...that costs extra too.

Package F). If you are a current MLB player and want my exclusive rooting rights for you individually, that will require an additional fee of $10,000.00 (USD) if your BA > .300 or your ERA is <> 3.00 (at the time of the sale) - VOID for Jim Thome, Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds

So while the winning bidder will be employing the rooting skills of this guy for the rest of the season it really makes you wonder how much he’s willing to give. He is, after all, a turncoat fan. He’s already given up on his team. What makes anyone think he won’t give up on yours at the earliest inconvenience (such as a crushing loss, for example)? There’s at least one believer thus far, who has bid $299 for this guy’s fandom. So who’s bidding $300?

There's Great Genes In This QB Battle

2008-07-09T23:48:00.000-07:00

Things are going to get interesting this football season in Westlake Village, CA. That’s because there’s going to be a QB battle brewing, and it includes some of the best athletic genes ever.

Nicholas Montana, son of 4-time Super Bowl QB Joe Montana enrolled at Oaks Christian High School recently. So what happens when the QB son of a Hall of Fame QB applies to your school?

"The admission office called and asked, Do you know a Joe Montana? I said, Yeah I've heard of the guy,' " Oaks Christian football coach Bill Redell said. "They told me his son had applied here. I said, Gosh, that's a surprise.'

Yeah, a surprise indeed. But it’s also a blessing for the coach, right?

That the 6-foot-2 Junior QB had done so would be interesting enough. What makes it even more noteworthy is that Montana will be competing for a starting spot against the spawn of an all-time great from another sport. That would be Trevor Gretzky. You know...Wayne’s son? They would need a famous son to pass to as well. But of course. Will Smith’s son Trey is a Wide Receiver on the squad.

And so while the 2006 season featuring Jimmy Clausen might have been Oaks Christian’s most celebrated season ever, the 2008 shall become the most celeb-rified. While the play on the field might be good, here’s guessing the attention will be focused on the stands. There might be as many fans as paparazzi.

Perhaps The Most Unexpected Ace Ever

2008-07-08T23:09:00.000-07:00

Hitting a hole-in-one is pretty damn hard to do. But it also takes a little bit of luck. That’s the only way you can explain this “rubbish” golfer’s good fortune.

Occasional golfer Allan Errington, 43, was averaging seven shots a hole while playing at a staff event.

But he hit a perfect shot on the par three 9th hole and it bounced once before going in - earning himself a Volkswagen Golf.

Errington went for it all, and for once it paid off. The lucky hole-in-one must have given him a false sense of confidence, however. That might be one of the only ways to explain the fact that he lost 23 balls after hitting his ace. If he continues at that rate he’d have to sell his new £15,000 car in order to afford more balls.

Perhaps after it’s all said and done Errington should stick to playing golf when new cars are at stake. That seems to be the only kind of golf he’s any good at.

Yeah, Don't Think So

2008-07-03T00:35:00.000-07:00

Good thing they corrected this story. There's no way the Marlins and Scott Olsen are that bad!

Here's How You Can Play Halo 3 With Adam Morrison For Charity

2008-07-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

Hey, Remember Adam Morrison? The former Gonzaga star and 3rd overall draft pick of the Charlotte Bobcats hasn’t quite had the career he’d probably wanted thus far. It doesn’t help when you miss an entire season due to ACL surgery. With his season off Morrison has been able to give back a little, organizing a golf tournament on August 14th benefiting the American Diabetes Association.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone does a golf tournament. Morrison must get it, as he’s topped his golf event with something better – a Halo 3 Tournament. For a paltry $20 you can test your Halo 3 skills on August 16th at a Spokane mall, and see how you stack up against Morrison and others. Morrison probably has more time on his hands than you do, so don’t feel bad when he whoops you.

And please, don’t cry when you lose. Morrison has already shown by example that it’s not something you want to do in front of anyone, let alone the other 30 people at the GameStop in Northtown Mall.

This Ringtone Allows You To Ask All Of Your Friends How Shaq’s Ass Tastes

2008-07-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

Shaq-Kobe. It’s the feud that won’t go away. There’s even a Wikipedia page devoted to it. By now everyone knows about Shaq’s freestyle rap last week. Kobe’s done the smart thing – he can’t fan the flames if he doesn’t discuss it. But you can by downloading Shaq’s rap as a ringtone!

FunMobility has the original rap as a free download and created a premium ringtone mashup inspired by the original Shaq rap, as well as a JibJab-style animation with the mashup soundtrack.

I see how FunMobility, the ringtone’s distributor would want to try and capitalize on this. But as a consumer, I’m confused. Sure, it’s free, but you’d have to really hate Kobe pretty badly to download this. For imagine yourself at the mall, the workplace, or at someone’s house when all of a sudden the phrase “tell me how my ass tastes” blares out of your phone. Is there any situation where that wouldn’t be embarrassing? Yeah...hard to think of too many.

So if you download this ringtone, turn your phone on silent during your next important event, will you?

Who Suffers From Spain's Soccer Success? Porn

2008-06-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

After Spain's triumph over German on Sunday everyone should be happy, right? Almost everyone. You can count the organizers of the Erotic Film Festival of Barcelona in the small minority on this one. It seems that Spaniards have been too busy lately following soccer to attend porn festivals.

This year's Erotic Film Festival of Barcelona, held in the obvious place of Madrid, only drew about 15,000 over the course of the three-date fete. Previous iterations of the festival, featuring strippers and top porn stars, drew over 50,000 people. Past festivals didn't have to compete with Euro '08, and especially Spain's 3-0 Euro 2008 semi-final win over Russia.

And thus the age-old question has been answered. We now know what Spanish men love more than anything.

"Football is one of the few things that can compete with sex," FICEB director Juli Simon told private television station Telecinco.

So there you have it. Spanish men chose soccer over sex. Or it could have been that it cost 25 euros to get into the festival.

There's always next year for the Erotic Film Festival of Barcelona. Men might love soccer, but they'll eventually remember how much they like erotic films too. And maybe they'll have the festival in Barcelona too.

(HT: Fark)

This Is Tennis At Its Finest

2008-06-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

Who needs Wimbledon when you've got these two? This doubles pair might be better suited for an improve troupe than a tennis court.

Is This The Sneakiest Goal Ever?

2008-06-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

Not sure where this came from, but it's pretty good. Let's see you try that, Ronaldo!